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Something’s not right

Sharni-lea
Contributor

Change without support

Hi all, my partner after months of saying she doesn't know what she wants has said she misses us, loves us and wants to come home. Do you think someone can change with months of time out and no formal support or help? Worried I'm being love bombed and manipulated.

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Change without support

Hard to say @Sharni-lea it sounds like a tricky situation. Perhaps the only way to know for sure is to talk to them, but to keep very firm boundaries and reach out to other supports if you're getting a bad feeling. 1800Respect would be a potential option if you need to talk it through with someone!

 

Sounds like you've got a lot of awareness and insight, so hopefully even if they do attempt to manipulate you, you will be able to see it coming. I think people do have the capacity to change on their own if they do some serious introspection and stuff, but also it's helpful to be wary in order to protect yourself. 

 

We can always provide some support and guidance along the way too, if ever you need to unpack it in a safe space 💜

Re: Change without support

Hi @Sharni-lea 

 

I think that people can change when they realise what they are missing out on.  Even though your partner may not have received and formal help/support, perhaps they gained perspective from talking to others, friends or family?

 

In this situation I think its great that you are aware of the potential being "love bombed and manipulated" as this does happen in some situations.  How would it feel for you if your partner did come back to you?

 

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

Re: Change without support

Thank you,

 

I feel I know her truth deep down and that this is real. She will still need a lot of support I guess to ensure she has the best chances to regain her mental health, yet I believe she's genuine..I'm just nervous about what it looks like as it will not be the same, there are months of pain now we need to address on top of whatever else is going on. She sent me this song today, told me it's how she feels and asked me not to give up on her. Breaks my heart.

 

Half a man - Dean Lewis (the words run deep for us as she pushed me away and said I deserve better for months).

 

I feel this is the biggest challenge of both our lives.

Re: Change without support

It's been 6 days. She is like a completely different person to the last 5 months. I see and feel her again. I think maybe I was the victim of a 5 month split. I am terrified though as if bpd behaviours, without help, I feel like I'm on borrowed time.

Re: Change without support

Hi @Sharni-lea , I would be cautious. As you've said the risk of love bombing is there. Have you had this experience before? I think the best thing to do is to set firm boundaries and expectations (eg. getting proper help etc) and ask yourself: do you want to get back together with her? 

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