Feeling devastated

[Chris]

I saw my psychiatrist today and discussed, a letter my gp had sent to him. My gp felt that i was experiencing rapid mood swings, but my psychiatrist  disagreed. He said it fitted more with my diagnosis of bpd. I was shocked. This is something that hasn't been mentioned in over twenty years. He said that this fits with my childhood  trauma, and my difficulties in relating to adults.  I dont  think i heard much after that. I was shocked and felt imence shame and guilt that totally  overwhelmed me. I couldn't  get out of there fast enough. I just have all this stuff running round and round in my head. I dont know what else to say, just so much guilt. Feel like its all my fault

[HelloAgain]

Your physicatrist would be the one who would know, they have the training and experience that your GP hasn't

[Former-Member]

Hi @Chris

i think i know how you are feeling, i had to have a psychiatric assessment done a few weeks ago that came back with so much different inforation than waht i've been told previously that its put me into a bit of a nose dive and i alsofeel this massive sense of shame ad guilt. At first i had so much shock at what i read and just felt this massive devastation at the edges of some numbness. he also said i have bpd because of childhood stuff and so maybe cant relate emotionally well enough with others........ im sorry you're going through this too.

here with you,

lj

[BlueBells]

Hi Chris 🙂

I am not familiar with ..is it bipolar you have? (not sure of abbreviations 🙂 )

If you are not comfortable with your assessment, or your docs, have you considered getting another opinion?

Also, something my counselor said to me yesterday, I am too hard on myself, I expect way too much of me, and so she gave me a card. It says this:

"I am doing my best to speak gently to myself"

Also, give yourself a big hug, and just relax into that hug. It may help you feel better, even if just for a few minutes 🙂

Hugs 🙂 🙂 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear that @Chris Its because of your childhood trauma.  You are not to blame.  We all respond the best way we can to life's hurdles.  You are doing lots to work with your issues, the labels dont change that. You are still you.

The borderline aspect is that the symptoms lie between the nuerotic/psychotic. Its an indication of severity of what you are dealing with, Its not meant to be more weight to carry. 

Experts often disagree. It might influence the meds or therapy they send you on ... just take it slowly and let them work it out between them.  You have mentioned that your doctor knows you well.  Sometimes length of contact is more revealing that an analytical ticking of boxes in a DSM.

Take care. It has been a difficult year.

[Chris]

Well i overslept this morning. It was 9.30 and group starts at 9. I decided it was too late and too disruptive to the other members to go. Ive been down all day, and felt i needed to talk out about the bpd and how i feel about it. The therapist that runs the group rang me to see how i was. I only breifly mentioned the diagnosis and that it had shocked me and i was havi g trouble comming to terms with it. She said she had spoken with my psyc briefly yesterday but that hadnt been mentioned.then it was left that i will see her next week at group.

I feel i need to talk this out with someone sooner rather than later, yet at the same time i feel very withdrawn. No easy answer.

[Former-Member]

Sorry to hear that you missed your group this morning but you must have needed the sleep maybe. Can you get in to see anyone any sooner to see someone? or even email? Would your group person be willing to see you one on one? Its a lot to take in and understand what it all means - my psych told me to remember than nothing changes after a label is given.. youre the same as the day before... but im not sure that its helping me...

LJ

[Chris]

I see my psychologist  and the psychiatrist  that coordinates the groups on monday. Feels forever away right now and i know i am pushing down all the emotions. Guess ive just got to wait it out.

[mrkotter]

I know this is a challenging time. Being told a new diagnosis takes a lot to digest.

I do want to give you something else to think about. If you are getting help (and hopefully getting better) does having a new diagnosis matter much? Essentially it's just a label and means nothing by itself. What matters is how you are going.

Myself I was recast from BP type 2 to type 1 this year. Initially it shocked me - I've always considered type 1 to be more serious (which is not true: both are bad as each other). But then I thought does it matter? I'm doing well and things are fine, I don't actually care.

Not trying to belittle how you feel or your thoughts but just trying to give you something else to think about.