I’m doing okay, I’m not depressed as such, I’m just feeling a bit fed up. Society is annoying. Society has programmed us to remain silent because all neg emotions are considered wrong. Keeping busy keeps you going, but it doesn’t heal, full stop. These social norms make no sense whatsoever. Why should I keep quiet, like we are all supposed to? Why should I feel ashamed about my history of mental illness and trauma? Why should I feel bad about being wired differently?
Other thing that I’ve been reflecting on is that I have a tendency of feeling over-responsible for making everyone feel comfortable. I always feel at fault if I make someone uncomfortable with my emotions, and it automatically becomes my fault they are anxious, hence why I keep a lot of things from people. My parents struggled to cope with my emotions when I was growing up, I don’t want to trigger an avalanche of emotions, or be heightened to the point of feeling as though trusting anyone outside the family is a no brainer. My mum was not a fan of me talking about SI last year during my crisis point or having so many people try to help me get my life on track. I became so paranoid, because she often talks about how people are only out to look after themselves, as a result I have shut down even further. She was afraid I would be put on a treatment order
