Functioning with ADHD

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  no, I meant that it is expensive to fix a body that is broken. I know she said my body isn't broken, just doing the best it can, it feels broken. Like I know calming the inflammation will prevent further costs, but it is not cheap. I already figured I wasn't absorbing food right, but it means I need supplements because my body doesn't know how to absorb properly on it's own. I know I'll be off some of them in a matter of 6 weeks. Sometimes I wonder whether i should keep my expectations low this time because I have had lots of unhelpful experiences with other people. Last dietician I saw years ago said they was no treatment for leaky gut. Gastro didn't help and appointments were like super short and brief, no time to talk about anything, I suppose after the money.

People know leaky gut is linked with mental health and inflammation. Surely you should do more research so people don't, well develop lifelong illnesses or worse terminal illnesses. Gotta thank the pharmaceutical culture who wants everyone medicated. I do not mean that meds don't help, but people are often still sick on them. Maybe because they have leaky and irritated guts. I wonder if being bendy also makes the gut more bendy? I have wondered whether some people are more prone to irritated guts.

TW: suicide

Content/trigger warning

What is a family member threatens suicide or asks someone to just end them? How are you supposed to react? I know it hasn't happened for a very long time, but I do remember things. Like how am I supposed to talk about that in therapy?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer it is still a topic of research isn't it, the whole gut-brain and the intensity of the mind-body connection? I've found that even when the research has revealed new ways of working, it takes actual frontline clinicians way longer to adopt the new practice. A generalisation tho - sometimes we just gotta find someone who is already interested in the area. 

TW Suicide

Content/trigger warning

Oh wow, ty for sharing hun I can understand why that would be lingering! Was it something that happened regularly or just one or two times? I don't know that there's a 'way to react' to something like that... but it also feels a bit manipulative? Not intentionally, but like in a 'I am putting this on you to solve and if you don't get it right I might end it' kind of way.

Hmm...what feels like the biggest barrier to sharing this w your psych? Like is it a shame feeling, fear of the response or of not being taken seriously, or something else?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx hence why I went to someone who was interested in the area, and they focus a lot on female health, though they do cater for non-female individuals. Only thing about programs and practitioners often have a cost. However, there is also a cost of ignoring gut health. I just hope it does what it says. I had to take the more financially viable option.

TW: Suicide

Content/trigger warning

I can see how some people would interpret it as manipulation, though I highly doubt it was intentional. It didn't happen regularly and it hasn't happened for a long time. It would happen every now and then. I have wondered whether it was also an very extreme form of a meltdown and the behaviour just felt out of control in the moment. People say and do things when they are super overwhelmed. 

It is not the fear of not being taken seriously, but the fear of betraying someone that I love 

[Jynx]

@creative_writer totally, I definitely didn't mean to imply that it was an intentional manipulative act - more that one can feel manipulated into acting, possibly out of guilt, when one is presented with something like that. But I digress. 

Two thoughts on the betrayal thing - first, on one level, can you share this experience with your psych without giving details of who, just what happened? That might not count for anything though and may still feel like betrayal, so my second thought is - if this family member knew that you were struggling with this, would they want you to suffer alone or would they want you to get support? Or if you like - would they prioritise their sense of shame over your need for healing? 

Quite possible that the behaviour emerged as a result of overwhelming meltdowny feelings - often extreme emotions beget extreme attempts at resolving them. Heck, maybe this family member has noooo idea that their behaviour impacted you this much? Do you think things would be different if they were aware?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx the thing is this family member would never go to therapy and would never want family stuff on the table. Not sure where that leaves my healing. I could try talking about it generally in therapy, and see how it goes.

I can’t really put the behaviour on this family member, I know this person does not deal with emotions well. I’ve had to shut my own emotions off. Sometimes you just have to protect the other person and yourself. Don’t want to start anything

[Jynx]

The other side of that coin @creative_writer is that the therapy space is the one space that is actually yours. Maybe my prior approach of seeing it from their viewpoint was unhelpful - totally legit. But yeah, in that very specific space, where you even have legal protections for what you share, maybe you don't need to consider anyone's feelings but your own. 

Aye, protecting one's peace can be just as important as fighting for one's needs. Sometimes we have to pick our battles hey. 

[AuntGlow]

Good evening @creative_writer, 

How are things feeling for you today?

I am wondering if you managed to talk to anyone you trust about how you've been feeling over the weekend? 🩷

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it is true therapy is a space to heal myself. It is sometimes hard for me to separate from their viewpoint. I've spent years trying to keep peace, but I do often feel like my needs aren't being met.

@AuntGlow I have been unwell with a pesky bug. I told a friend that my meds were leaving me feeling numb, I sort of ended up only taking them for two days because I didn't feel like myself. I do feel that the restlessness has picked up again, but not to the point it had been before. I rather feel something than be numb, it is a tricky one.m I hope you've had a good day ❤️

[AuntGlow]

Oh no! It really is going around... how are you taking care of yourself tonight? @creative_writer 

You know, I completely get that. Feeling numb doesn't sit well with me either. I hope this is something you can discuss with your therapist/pdoc, it's so important that you feel supported and guided around your medication and how it's impacting you.

Will be here all week, if you'd like to chat about anything. 💕

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I was lying low yesterday and just resting up. Feeling numb and dissociative is not ideal. I could try to get an earlier appointment with my pdoc if needed. I am not currently having SI at the moment, anxiety is still pretty elevated, but that's my life rn. The physical stuff is probably is compounding it too. I always seem to get sick