Functioning with ADHD

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Sounds like there's a lot of shame about not being okay in your body, or like... that you aren't more 'functional'. And hey, talking about these things can be super destabilising. Maybe back then, you HAD to focus on detaching so that you could get through uni and stuff without crumbling. Now maybe your body is 'playing catch up' and some of the stuff you had to repress out of necessity has come back to the surface. 

Do you worry that sharing these things about your physical symptoms will be shut down or ignored? Valid fear, tho we can gently 'test the waters' - like sometimes I will ask them about them - e.g. I will ask new supports about their religion or spiritual leanings so I can determine if it is safe for me to talk about mine. You could ask about their knowledge/experience/expertise in a particular area. And if they don't have skills, they may be able to help you find someone who does. Food for thought anyway - all one step at a time eh? 

Haha yeah, weirdly often around my belly button!! Nowadays it's mostly toothpaste and sauce rather than holes, thankfully! 🤣

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it does seem like my body is playing catch up. Honestly I probably started disassociating as a kid. It’s probably years of built up emotions. It does feel destabilising, but I suppose it has to come out eventually.

I’m afraid of what will happen if I talk about body flashbacks. Will I completely lose it? Will my supports be able to help? You know I’ve had bad experience talking about trauma details in the past, it sort of kept me stuck in a loop. So I’m not entirely sure what to do about it, I’m still thinking about how I want to navigate this without compromising my mental health. My psych did ask about body flashbacks last session, but I couldn’t say anything. I feel like if I talk about it, I overfocus, and then I spiral. Other thing is, what if they think I’m overreacting or worse, don’t believe me.

I’ve never heard about kids tearing clothing around belly button, that’s a first 😂. I hate when tubes break, I’ve broken my Manuka honey face mask tubes, and those aren’t cheap

[Jynx]

Ran outta time @creative_writer but hopefully can reply properly tomorrow. That time blindness sneaks up on me!!

Hope you have a chill night, ty for the chats as always 💜😊

[creative_writer]

@Jynx time blindness is so real. It causes both underestimation and overestimation of time.

I hope you had a chill evening too💖. Thank you for the chats

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I know right! Hyperfocus in particular can feel like a time-skip hahaha.

How was your Sunday? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’m okay, just have lots of food anxiety. Want to eat gluten containing food but scared of the consequences. I swear finding out I’m intolerant is adding to anxiety. Not knowing whether it is celiac is adding another layer, I find out my blood results tomorrow morning, they take a bit longer than regular tests. I’m also prone to disordered eating, so need to keep it in check so it doesn’t spiral out of control.

I did my Lifeline shift earlier today, it went okay. I sort of forget the emotional stuff brewing in me. How was your Sunday

[Jynx]

Totally get that @creative_writer when I found out I have reflux and saw the list of potential trigger foods, it was very anxiety-provoking. Especially when they also say that anxiety makes reflux worse... 

It would be an ENORMOUS adjustment, and learning that foods that maybe bring joy are also making you unwell would be very jarring. I think it's okay to take it all very slowly, maybe touch base w Butterfly Foundation for some tips on making those adjustments whilst managing those disordered eating behaviours if they start to arise. 

Wow, big day! Get into the flow of things a bit eh? 

My Sunday has been nice and chill, got a little sleep in and everything hehe 😊

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I have reflux too, can’t drink much coffee anymore, though I couldn’t give up coffee completely. Anxiety can definitely make it worse. Learning is hard, I’ve had bread my whole life. When I do think about it, I had digestive issues since I was young. Low fodmap diet didn’t work, probably because it wasn’t a fodmap thing. I probably should’ve listened to my dietician years ago when he said I could try eating less wheat. It probably makes a ton of sense to have body image issues from bloating. Exercise might help too. Though I’ve had controlling relationships with exercise in the past too and need to be careful it doesn’t come to that again. Maybe I need to find control somewhere else. Maybe I need to heal the shame inside my body, I feel like I look gross, probably because I feel gross (trauma response). People can give compliments and say I look nice, but it goes over my head.

I did, it was only a 3 hour shift. Usually shifts are 4 hours, but it is lovely to see they have 2 and 3hr ones in case you want to space them out over multiple days. I might start with shorter shifts. Sleep ins are good, hope you got decent sleep today too 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye that need for control can be vey tricky to manage. It can be a good opportunity to practice that radical acceptance concept tho - or surrender, if you prefer. 

Shame is harder, because shame is a social emotion so sometimes that means we need to heal through our relationships. We can definitely work on the internalised shame though - messages we've accepted as truth, we can question and decide whether it is actually our truth. 

I know for myself, my perception of my physical appearance definitely shifted as I began to practice more self-acceptance. 

I'm really glad to hear that you have that option for flexibility!! How often do you have shifts?

[rav3n]

good afternoon @creative_writer 💜

how was your birthday celebration? was it a busy weekend?