Functioning with ADHD

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer I'm sorry to hear how hard this morning has been, though I'm glad that you've been able to keep yourself safe. How are you doing now? Is there anything we can do to support you right now?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I reached out for support through a helpline, it helped to talk. I probably should’ve reached out before self harming (I did it to cope with SI). It didn’t result in any significant injuries. I know I can’t do it again and again as there can be consequences (it’s a risky form of self harm). All I can do is try to engage in self care and sit with the discomfort. I have to wait till I can talk to a support. It’s hard, but I can only what I can to ease it.

Maybe I need company. What have you been up to today?

[Ru-bee]

Good on you for making that call and talking to someone @creative_writer 

Can definitely keep you company if that's helpful right now. I haven't had a super eventful day so far, took my dog out for a walk along a trail this morning which was nice and then did a few chores before starting work and I just had some lunch - I'm trying to find a good salad recipe that's actually filling because salads are simple enough without needing to cook anything, but they don't keep me full for long. I tried putting beans in today's one so we'll see if that helps or if I'll be looking for a snack in an hour

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee salads can be pretty light, I love beans, but I cook mine. I’ve had lunch, mixed beans, avocado and brown rice. I’m watching Netflix rn.

I didn’t know you had a dog. What is your dog’s name?

[Ru-bee]

Ooh that sounds good @creative_writer I do usually get pre-packaged meals for lunch to cut down on decision fatigue. It's nice to have one meal a day that you don't have to plan for, but I'm tightening up my budget at the moment so I'm back to making lunches. Do you find you tend to have go-to lunch meals? I'm looking for inspiration haha

Yes, he's a newer edition to the family, we've just had him for a tiny bit over 2 months now. His name is Toby 😊 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I often go vegetarian or vegan for lunch. I might eat eggs with vegetables or salad, or might have beans or vegetables with avocado. I tend to eat brown rice since it’s easier to digest than bread. I tend to eat more of my meat during dinner. Though my meal plan may get change up once i get a nutritionist to look at it. I try to eat well, but sometimes I get sort of obsessive. Therapy may help with relationship with food, but getting some tailored nutrition input might also help. I get tons of food anxiety.

Aww, he would be really small now. Baby furbabies are a handful but so cute. I hope he doesn’t do too many naughty things. Our neighbour’s kitten ran away for two days before she was found, she shows very childlike behaviour. They do show childlike behaviours as adults, but puppies and kittens are on another level

[Ru-bee]

Oh I bet that'll be interesting to hear what a nutritionist has to say @creative_writer hopefully it be really helpful to have that extra sort of support

He's actually 3! We adopted him from a rescue. He is still pretty new to lots of more typical pet things though so sometimes he still acts like a bit of a puppy! And he's small so sometimes people think he's a puppy anyway. After I adopted my last cat as a kitten I vowed to only adopt pets that were a year or older 😂 Kittens and puppies are such rascals, always getting into trouble! 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee maybe this is a common thing, but I at times feel food sensitivities also contributed to disordered eating, bloating does not help with body image either. I know trauma also play a significant role in my relationship with food, along with my perfectionist tendencies. I think part of it is ingrained shame (from trauma) and some of it is about control. I thought getting some nutrition support on top of psychological might help. She can also help me draw up a suitable exercise. I've also had an unhealthy relationship with exercise when I worked out regularly, I couldn't enjoy it and it became about control.

They'll always be baby even at 3, tiny pets are so cute, is he cat sized? Kittens and puppies are something, they always do things. I'm not sure about dogs, but I read adult cats have maturity of 2-2.5 year old human toddlers

[Ru-bee]

Mmm I have heard that too @creative_writer, I think that at the very least they certainly don't help disordered eating. It sounds like you have a really great insight where this stems from for you and how it tends to manifest, and while that insight alone isn't always enough to bring about change, when it's coupled with supports it really helps.

He is cat-sized! Which is perfect because he loves playing with one of my cats, they wrestle and chase each other around the house. That's so interesting to hear that adults cats are about the equivalent of toddlers! I feel like one of mine has the intelligence of a human 3 year old and the other a 1 year old 😂

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I also reckon feel sick all the time doesn’t help. I’ve had multiple antibiotics, had to get an eye cyst removed, I’ve had a yeast issue too (which may be a consequence of antibiotics). Infections are crazy on their own, but I also have chronic pain (migraines, pain around joints and stiffness) and fatigue on top of everything. I’m in the process of searching for answers. This isn’t a life I want to live. Chronic pain and fatigue is invisible, but it all adds up. Can someone really tell me it’s all in my head? Sometimes you got to go to supports who will listen and leave those who don’t. I am constantly burning out from constant fatigue, pain and mental health. It’s a cycle that I am struggling to break free from. Maybe I need to give myself time and persist, soon I’ll be able to get more supports. I also have a specialist appointment next month.

I was able to get into my pdoc in two weeks, I feel rather unstable rn. Not sure how I’ll get through those two weeks. maybe with PRNs, maybe I should take one before I SH again or worse, act on SI. These thoughts persist and are very hard to resist. I’m trying but I’m exhausted