How do you treat people better than they treat you? And WHY should you?

[florencefifty]

I had a whole bunch of calls evaluated by my manager today. 

When I get criticism, my first reaction is to disagree. Some of the things he pulled me up on were absolutely ridiculous. He said that our processing team are based offshore, and English isn’t their first language, so when writing referrals, I have to be as clear as possible, rather than going into a lot of detail. That is the most ridiculous […] I’ve ever heard, but at least it’s an easy fix.

However, he quickly noticed one of my other weaknesses. He said I needed to be professional and courteous to people even when they might not be professional and courteous to me. That’s not an easy fix at all.

I am sure people who are rude and who take their frustrations out on others walk through life without anybody saying anything to them. If I’m professional and courteous to them, it teaches them that their behaviour is OK, and it’s going to get them the result they’re after. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Clients have to take SOME sort of responsibility. I had a client send in the worst application I’ve ever seen. She put incomplete information, numbers in the wrong section… and she was annoyed, wondering why we had to call her back to confirm some details.

I had a client complain because he was waiting ten minutes. I was criticised for saying “that’s pretty typical, but we’re working on getting through calls as quickly as possible”. My manager said it’s not typical, because that day and the day before, our average was quicker than that, and besides “clients want our empathy, not apathy”. 

What I meant by “typical” was, I came from a job where clients had to wait more than an hour, worst case scenario. If you’re unsettled by having to wait ten minutes, how the […] are you breathing right now, if that’s all it takes to set you off? Also, what response is going to make a difference, like do you want me to turn back time and answer your call then?

One of the things that autistic people struggle with is learning customs and practices, like professionalism and “emotional maturity” as a concept. It doesn’t make sense to me.

I guess you can learn it, but I’d love to see an example of someone “properly” deal with a 58-year-old acting like a 5-year-old.

[ArraDreaming]

What

[justanotherguy]

Hi @florencefifty , how are you today?

Just reading your post made me let out a sigh. It's my first response when dealing with these kinds of situations, it gives a moment to refocus and think about the situation.

Anything telephone related is difficult as it's much harder to convey meaning (ie. no visual cues like facial expressions). I've noticed many people on phone calls and online will drop their public 'persona' and become whatever person is truly inside of them. Most of the time it can be a shock. I find when dealing with people you don't know over the phone (or online), if they act like 5 year-olds, then you have to bring the conversation down to their level. Not in a condescending way, but I just know it's not really my job to educate them in that moment. I guess it would be like being a kindergarten teacher, I'm not going to turn them all into University graduates in 5 minutes, and nor should I. In situations you mentioned my first priority is to not allow the caller to ruffle my feathers and deal with it the best way I can.