Lived Experience Forum

[Jynx]

@Captain24 anyone who says 'they're just dogs' doesn't understand just how important our fuzzy companions are! They're members of the family; thinking, feeling animals that deserve love and support as much as we do. I'm sure you'll find a solution 🤞💜

Sorry to hear that your mum didn't take the time to actually check in with how you're doing. Sometimes, people have their own stuff that impedes them from being able to be supportive. Usually they're scared, uncomfortable, don't know what to say, etc. but it doesn't mean she doesn't care, probably just that she doesn't really know how to respond. Sometimes it can help to express our needs/desires to them, like 'Hey mum I know this is a lot, but it would be really meaningful for me if you could try to check in with me, ask me how I'm doing from time to time, and remind me that you care', or something like that.

Hey congrats on 14 days! I have quit smoking too, it's a tough journey. And with other challenges you're enduring along the way, I can totally understand how tempting it would be. 

Something that helped me was learning the difference between a lapse and a relapse, when talking about addiction. A lapse is a temporary setback - e.g. having one or two cigarrettes when super stressed, but not actually picking the habit back up entirely, which would be a relapse. The reason I found it helpful was that it reduced the feelings of shame if I lapsed, and helped me to reframe it in my mind. I hadn't 'failed' by having a lapse, I could still continue down the path of quitting, rather than seeing it as 'oh well I smoked again, I guess I just can't quit right now'. You can do this, I know you can! 💜

[Captain24]

I’m hoping I can find something, that Im comfortable with. @Jynx. I guess I’ll know more in an hour. Hopefully the nurse can help me out. 

I just don’t think mum gets it. She has no idea of where my head space is. 

This is where I wish you could buy just a couple of smokes. I don’t want the whole packet or I’ll have to start again but the need is really strong right now. I can’t cope fighting with so many different urges. 

Does the smoking thing ever get easier? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Mm it's tough when the people around us just can't understand where we're at. And sometimes unfortunately when people don't understand, they sometimes react poorly, or just try to be all 'business as usual', which can be very painful for us. Like I've had to accept that my parents will never be able to be mental health supports for me, cos they just don't understand, and at times they will make it about their own emotions rather than being able to sit with me and mine. Big difference being that I don't live with them though, which certainly complicates things. But hopefully your mum will be able to work her stuff out, and you can always ask/tell her what being supportive would look and feel like for you. Even just stuff like "It's okay if you don't know what to say, sometimes a hug goes a long way" or like, "It would really mean a lot to me if you could ask me how I'm going or remind me from time to time that you do care".

Oh yeah it absolutely gets easier! Takes like a month I think for the nicotine to work it's way out of the system? Don't quote me on that lol. And also finding other things to turn to when stressed or having really bad cravings - chewing gum, chewing ice cubes (stimulates pain receptors, which releases dopamine), fidget toys, having a sweet drink to sip on - really helps. It's akin to the concept of urge surfing for dealing with self-harm urges; eventually the craving will pass, it's just about occupying your brain in the meantime. Nowadays I can be around people smoking and never even think about wanting one. And the smell! Ugh it's worse to my nose now than it was before I ever started smoking! It's a huge deterrent in itself. 

When I tell you I was bad, I mean picking durries off the ground kinda bad. If I can quit, you can too 😎😉

[Captain24]

The vet nurse that teaches puppy preschool gave me the number of one of the nurses that works there that does house sitting and pet sitting. @Jynx. 

Pixie is pretty well known at the vets for her aggressiveness. But tonight’s nurse thinks Pix will like her. So hopefully it all works out. I’m not sure how much it’s going to cost but at least it’s peace of mind. 

I went to the shops to get some smokes but I couldn’t get a park. I guess that was a sign. I just have to keep working at it. I’m hoping that by managing to quit it shows me that I can do something. 

[Captain24]

So mum just rang and self centred me thought that she may be checking to see how I’m going with Pix and Jett. 

No.. she rang to tell me her auntie passed away. That is how thoughtless I am. I just said ‘oh that’s sad’. What do you say when she was well into her 90’s and still living on her own. She was a funny old stick though. I remember one day I was with her and someone said something about mums dad and she said ‘THAT MONGREL BASTARD! I don’t have a brother’ just a rough guess but I don’t think she liked him! 

[Jynx]

No guilt in not knowing @Captain24! That's sad to hear, but yeah when it's time, it's time hey. Glad you have some funny memories to reflect on 💜

[Captain24]

Yeah.. @Jynx Shame it wasn’t me.. 😢 

[Jynx]

I hope you go out the same way @Captain24 - 90 years old and with a whole bundle of good memories for you and the people around you 💜 I think it's the best any of us could ask for. 

[Captain24]

This is why you don’t call help lines.. They are f’ing useless. I feel so much worse than when I called. I must be bad because I never call. 

[PrincessLettuce]

Hey @Captain24 ,

It sounds like you're having a really hard night.

What's helpful on nights like these?

- PrincessLettuce