I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m at home. At least it’s warm inside. I’m trying to keep occupied but it’s not working. 

I’ve done some of my pantry but I’ve moved stuff and now it feels like there is more mess. I can’t do anything right. Why am I such a loser? 

Everywhere I look it feels like there is mess. I have to tidy up the mess. Mum and dad are coming tomorrow and they will probably go through every room since I won’t be here. 

Privacy? No. Respect? No.

I keep getting treated like a child. Is it really that hard to realise I’m an adult. I hate myself and I don’t really like them. I don’t think I even love them.

I don’t know what love for people is. Is that why I’m such a loser? I’m unlovable. I don’t know how to love. I’m not worthy of love. 

[Snowie]

Hey @Captain24 

I think there is always a mess when tidying up. You feel sometimes you just make a bigger mess, but in the end it all comes together.

My mum shows little respect too. She will just walk into my room sometimes without even knocking. I hate to think what she goes through when I'm not home!

I think love comes in all shapes and sizes. It certainly isn't one size fits all. Yes we can love somethings more than other things. I think that goes for people too. I certainly know that the love I have for people can also change numerous times throughout the relationship with them.

[Captain24]

Sorry @Snowie. I didn’t get the notification. 

I did get the pantry finished. There is room in there for the house spotters to put their stuff. Plus it looks presentable and I got some of the stuff out of the spare room one put it in there. 

I feel violated when I know Kim has been here when I’m not. I’d like to think that when she is picking up the dogs that she is just in and out. 

It’s good to know it’s different. I think I love my best friend but I can’t be sure. I don’t know if it comes from lack of love as a child. When people ask my mum if she loves having a daughter she actually says not really. 

I took a double dose of sleeping piles and had a nap but right now I am so tired. The only reason I woke up is that Jett let me know he needed to go to the toilet. 

Hey @Jynx. I did reply to last nights post. 

[Jynx]

Must've missed some notifications too @Captain24 I had to go looking for it! Just reading now 😉

[Captain24]

That’s good thanks @Jynx 

Sorry for some reason my emails aren’t sending. I’m trying to send one to my CM too. 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Captain24 , I hope your thoughts are kinder to you today 🤞

[Captain24]

Hi @NatureLover 

I hope you are staring to feel better.

So far today I am doing ok. Just sitting waiting for the vet in a town 2 hours away. It’s been drizzly rain so at least any ice on the road has melted an so has the snow bit it is freezing here

[Snowie]

Good morning @Captain24 

Think notifications are playing up again.

I hope today goes well for you hon 

Sending 💗💗

[Captain24]

Thanks @Snowie.

the notifications are annoying. 

It’s cold here. I’ve got a shop to go to and then I think I might get some

lunch and head back home. 

I hope you are doing ok and your day is going well.