Tw Not Coping

[tyme]

HI @Birdofparadise8 @creative_writer  🙂

@Birdofparadise8 - perhaps at this time, it's about not utilising Headspace? It sounds like they are doing you more harm than good at the moment. Thoughts? 

@creative_writer  - how's your uni work going? 

[Birdofparadise8]

They just make me so annoyed, and I kept asking questions about the email I got, and she said I haven't really seen your file, so I can't help you. This is why having a regular is so helpful. Yeah, I might if I feel like I am getting worse. I seriously don't know why I keep going to use them I am so angry right now. If anything, I was feeling better before the chat than after. 

I am writing an email to send to them as the lady I talked to said to email them my questions. 

It's my own fault for reaching out anyway I shouldn't have @creative_writer 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah maybe @tyme. 

I just feel bad for reaching out to like SANE, KHL and reach out so much. I feel like I am being too needy. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I was just wondering if there is any news on (person) email about how it would be best for my safety not to have regular sessions with anyone. I don't see how this would help me in any way and don't understand who came up with this insinuating plan from having a check-in with (person) to not having anything at all is best for my safety when in fact, my suicidal thoughts have been increasing a lot this past month since moving.

I do realise I have been using the service a bit more frequently, but on Wednesday night, I was really struggling with my depression and suicidal thoughts and thought I would pop on and have a chat with someone for a bit as I wasn't coping very well. I was really upset when I went onto chat on Wednesday night, and you know what happened?

I got a waiting update and wasn't allowed to talk to anyone, but for all you know, I could have been ready to end myself, and I was reaching out for support. Once I saw my chat cancelled, I cried so much and broke down. Luckily, I contacted SANE and chatted with someone from there, so at least I got the help I needed somewhere else. 

I thought headspace had a duty of care towards its clients, and they were not met on Wednesday night. I get you're really busy and all, but I just needed that chat to feel not so alone for 30 minutes.

I also put a complaint in and wondered when I might hear some information from it. 

I am sorry if this comes across as harsh at all, but I have been quite disappointed in the service I have received the past few months and just wanted to let you know. 

Is that too mean @tyme @creative_writer? I'm angry writing now. 

[tyme]

Sounds like you have a number of services you can access which is really good @Birdofparadise8 . Have you ever phoned beyond blue?

Also, I remember you mentioning that you are 'depressed' and have SI thoughts all the time. Believe it or not, I do too. I used to get upset at having them, but I don't really care anymore. I've learnt that they are part of my condition. My psychologist and case manager helped me understand that. And that is the part many do not realise. I am 'well' but I have SI and SH thoughts all the time! Perplexing, but it's true.

In other words, don't beat yourself up over having the thoughts. They are thoughts.

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah they just pawned me off to other services. 

Wait, you still leave with them all the time?

How do you do that I can't cope with it? 

Like right now, my thoughts for SI SH are getting intense. 

How did you get a case manager? I can't seem to get any information on how to get one through community MH. 

Did you see the long email? 

OMG, I feel so broken right now, @tyme. What do I do? I so badly just want to give up right now.

[tyme]

I guess all services have their scope of service and that differs from service to service @Birdofparadise8 . Some services are so limited that if they spend most of their time on a handful of people, others end up missing out. Also, if they feel that each time someone contacts them and it is the same regular presentation, then perhaps it's not the best service for them? I don't know. I'm only speaking very broadly. I cannot speak for other services.

For example, some services have a time cap for 11 minutes on calls, while others have 15 mins, 20 mins, 40 mins, 50 mins. This is to ensure there is some limit so that others are able to utilise the service. 

As much as services want to help 'everyone', in actual fact, there are boundaries.

I'm really sorry that you have been cut off. I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant feeling. Yet the nature of certain MH conditions also means some services are not able to provide the support that is needed.

Hence, you have to pick and chose the ones that work and do not work for you.

I was only thinking today that I really want to send an email or something to my previous treating team. Why? Because I am so grateful that they heard me and took me under their wing. Even though I have been discharge years now, I am still grateful that they made a difference.

For you now, it's about finding that service. If one doesn't work, try the next.

[tyme]

Your emotional side is speaking @Birdofparadise8 . Give yourself some space so that the rational mind can have a say.

Yes, I do live with chronic SI and SH thoughts. EVERY DAY.... it is part of my condition. As I said, I learnt to accept this and that was when I felt liberated.

Before that, I tried to get rid of the thoughts. I did everything to get rid of them and the more I tried, the more I failed and became depressed.

[Birdofparadise8]

I am trying though @tyme. I am fighting every day to get better, and I'm not I am such a wreck. I'm not worth it anymore I just need to give up. What's the point of my fighting if I don't get anywhere I just keep going around in an endless suffocating loop that won't stop turning. I feel like I am drowning in my depression, and I will never get out.

I don't know how you can cope with that. I don't want to feel like this for the next 60 ish years. 

[creative_writer]

@tyme, today has been eventful, was getting pushed to agitated state, oddly enough, the thing that really got me calm was to be in a dark room. I guess I got sensory overload, it’s so weird. I guess I’ll take the fatigued depression over the agitated any day.

@Birdofparadise8, I think it gets easier with time hon. I still get SI, and it still gets intense at times, but I am nowhere as bad as I was last year.