Not wanting to leave the house, but just for today..

[blue_wren]

Hello community...

I find it incredibly hard to rest without guilt, and am seeking some alternative perspectives! 

Today, I just feel like bunkering down inside and not leaving the house. I can get my shopping delivered. I can do my own yoga practice instead of attending one in person. However, I still feel guilty about not 'doing' anhything..

I have had a good weekend with social aspects, though I returned to my own indoor space for the afternoons.

I can't decide if this is healthy and normal, or if something's not quite right! I do tend to go inwards a fair but and I enjoy my comfy space that I've created in my apartment and I'm feeling really low in energy. BUT I still feel guilty and am battling with the 'should' thoughts, which shame attaches itself to. And then I don't end up feeling rested at all anyway. 

It just feels so lazy to be still in bed at 11.30am, not dressed, not showered etc. But I also don't want to leave bed cos I feel so comfy! It's just all the thoughts telling me I 'should be doing something...' 

Anyone else relate? 

Please and thank you in advance! x x 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @blue_wren 

I think this is very relatable, I know I struggle with this too. 

Something that I need to remind myself of is that rest can be productive too! But having said that, who says we need to be productive all the time? Life's all about balance isn't it? That could mean that some days you're out the door early, and others you're enjoying the comfort of your lovely warm bed until 11:30 and that's absolutely okay!

When you're getting those 'should' thoughts coming up, I want to offer you a few questions that you can ask yourself: First one is "according to who?" and the other is "where did I learn this?" Both of these can just help to let you to take a step back and consider where these thoughts are coming from so you can consider whether they are actually worth listening to. 

[blue_wren]

Thanks @Ru-bee  x x 

Those questions are so helpful! 

And thanks for normalising rest. I did enjoy my comfy bed for quite some time 🙂

[rav3n]

ooo yes absolutely relate to you both! i love sleeping in, my bed's sooo cosy and in the colder weather, i just don't want to leave it. there's also been times where i've binged a tv show, or skipped gym or just sat in my car with my phone for an hour and felt guilty for those things too. but at the end of the day, those lil activities provided me some time to recharge/calm down.

'rest' can look different to different people, and sometimes the conventional 'eat healthy and sleep 8hrs' isn't enough, especially when we there's different environmental/cultural/genetic factors too 😊whatever your rest looks like, you deserve to truly be present in it without the guilt.

[Jynx]

@blue_wren @Ru-bee two ways help me 😊

1. Remind myself that rest is non-negotiable. It is a need, like breathing and water. I don't need to earn each breath, so I don't need to earn each rest.  

2. In modern 'hustle culture' we are treated like commodities, our time is money, our energy has a price. I despise modern hustle culture. So therefore I see rest as a form of rebellion, and I am proud to rebel against a society that would tell me I am lazy for wanting to meet my basic need for rest. 

Fight the power - take a nap 🤘😴🤘

[blue_wren]

thanks @Jynx and @Ru-bee 

You've both really helped me through today! It's great to have this forum available. I really appreciate it. 

Turns out my day was actually ok and I feel satisfied with it. Got my meal prep done, did some yin yoga while listening to a podcast, and worked on a creative project. I did leave the house momentarily - to go down to the bins hahah - and all in all I feel like I am rested in lots of different ways. 

The thing I'm going to work on is not letting the shame spiral get too much traction. The questions helped me to reflect on why I feel guilt around any form of rest, and I was able to identify that both my dad and my brother are always busy and out of the house and often use shaming language around anything that doesn't fit that model. My mum rarely leaves the house, and is labelled as lazy. So there's a couple of good insights. Also, I have spent a long time working in hospitality where it's the norm to always be busy and finding something to do "if there's time to lean, there's time to clean" is a phrase that is used frequently in that industry, and rest was not an option - just go go go!!

So i guess there are many different examples of where this idea of guilt has become embedded in my thought process. And it will take some time to change. But change can happen 🙂

And I hear you about rebelling against societal bulls**** 'norms'. I'm all for going against the system that has been created for hustle culture. I want the slow life, I crave the slow life...but my mind is yet to allow it fully I guess 

thanks x

[Ru-bee]

Hey @blue_wren 

I'm so glad to hear that reaching out here and talking it through was helpful!

Those are some really interesting insights. When you mentioned that you had worked in hospitality that phrase popped into my head immediately so I chuckled when I saw it written there. I worked in hospo for years too and it can do a number on you! I'm only just learning that it's okay to take days off when you're sick after it being drilled into me for all those years that taking a sick day would mean letting the team down. As you said, it takes time to change but change can happen!

[ThagSimmons]

OK, take this with a grain of salt @blue_wren , but it works. (for me)

The Thag Simmons Patented Method of Guilt Removal™

Goal Setting is an absolute boss skill to have, practically a superpower.
Here is what Thag does when he needs time to himself...
 
Step 1, set goal of doing absolutely nothing all day.
Step 2, do absolutely nothing all day.
Step 3, at end of day, look back with satisfaction and pride that you have achieved your set goal.
step 4, sleep guilt free that night.

Works for me!
👍😁