Oscillation between two mind sets

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, the system is very broken, not only are waitlist ridiculous, I feel like changes need to be made as a whole for the Australia MH system. I’ve had both positive and not so positive when working with the MH system.

I am happy to hear yesterday was productive, I hope today went well for you too. I was out much of the day, it is my dad’s birthday. I’m going to take it easy tom since I had a bad migraine attack while out, it’s settled, very exhausted. Took some anti-inflammatory OTC pain relief, I was able to swing by the chemist

[Zoe7]

Yes it is @creative_writer way too many people needing help and not being able to find it in the current system. 

I hope your migraine has gone and you are resting up today. Good that you could get out to see your Dad on his birthday but I am sure it was a hard day not feeling well. Hugs Hon ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, migraine is better. I had a psych appointment, we did cover quite a bit but I couldn’t talk about the argument that my parents had a couple of weeks ago which left my mum feeling suicidal. I mean she has gotten through it and it’s all good now. It’s just hard when you have parents who struggle with MI. There is no way I could convince her to seek therapy. I guess I felt like it wasn’t a secret that I could share with anyone, even in a therapy context. It’s not my secret, it’s my mum’s. I don’t think my parents are aware that I pieced it together. I don’t think my mum knows I know she has had SI. I’m the oldest child, I’m the one who carries secrets and tries to keep the peace.

I hope you have been doing well today 💖

[Zoe7]

I get that so much @creative_writer My childhood up to early adulthood was the same - protecting my sister and Mum and keeping the worst of things from them. I would do it again in a heartbeat but we shouldn't have to hey 😢

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, there are things that I could not talk about in therapy. Talking about family matters doesn’t feel right. My mum has always been loving. She has only ever said cutting words because she was emotionally overwhelmed. Regardless, I still feel responsible for her mental well-being. I feel like as the oldest child, I am the grip, I have to be strong for them even during my rough moments. I had to stay out of hospital when I was intensely suicidal because it would’ve been bad for their mental health for me to go in. I was fortunate to have access to outpatient support last year at least. Though even that made them anxious and caused some arguments. Arguments around how I am making myself vulnerable by seeking treatment due to the increased risk of being hospitalised against my own will and being forced treatment. I don’t think my mum trusts the MH system, and I am wary myself. Over time I’ve developed trust issues for a number of reasons, hence why I tell myself “better off alone”

[Zoe7]

I get it @creative_writer Unfortunately we often put everyone else in front of ourselves and never really give ourselves the support we need. I also get the 'better off alone'. We are told so many times that we need to be around people so much but not everyone needs or wants that. ....and yes trust is a major component of that but that still does not mean we want to be around others all the time. 

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, it is true society tells us we should be around people a lot of the time. I just don’t get it, why socialise if you’re not going to get much out of it? I still struggle with emotional safety when around people

[creative_writer]

Am I broken?

[Jynx]

Not even a little bit @creative_writer, not from where I'm sitting. What's happening for you at the moment that's got you asking this? Here to listen hun 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, maybe I am a bit run down. Migraines really affect MH. Just thinking about how I had to take a break from Lifeline because I got one really triggering interaction. Otherwise I managed. It felt different, helpseeker was very suicidal and she mentioned feeling discomfort in a particular area in her body, she didn’t go into enough detail but it was enough to trigger me. I would’ve been able to handle it if was not for the body discomfort thing. I’m going into the social work field, I need to be able to handle that kind of stuff but I can’t. I couldn’t even handle a case study earlier this year during a lecture. I feel so useless. I’m so tired of having to be careful not to trigger things