Piecing the shattered glass together

[creative_writer]

I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future. 

[tyme]

Your life. Your story. Your journey. Thank you. @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme, thank you for supporting me. ♥️. I want things to change in my life, but still trying to figure it all out. I know healing isn’t a straight road and sometimes one goes backwards. I expect the exhaustion too. Like I almost lost it on the weekend. I was starting to spiral yesterday too, but at least didn’t go to crisis mode. I really don’t want to be defined by my mental illnesses, chronic pain and traumas. I don’t want it to have such a strong grip on me. I know it will take a lot of work to break free from. I’m so used to being on edge, my body is usually really tense and the lump in my throat is almost always there. It won’t be easy and will be scary to learn to relax.

[tyme]

I'm with you on this journey. I can't take the journey for you, nor can I direct it, but I CAN take it with you. @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme I think I just need people there with me while I work through my stuff. It’s been hard for me to let people do that for me because I thought I had to do it alone without anyone holding my hand. It took me years until I opened up about a lot of things. Denial is how I’ve coped with a lot of things but you can’t keep denying the pain.

[tyme]

Pain is real. Humans were made to be social and rely on others. Those who were independent didn't last long back then @creative_writer . Perhaps connecting with people and reaching out is what will bring recovery? You are really already doing a great job at reaching out. 

Pretty soon, you'll be able to read back to your first post and say, "Wow... I can't believe I have come so far!"

[creative_writer]

@tyme, some of us have been suppressing and repressing emotions from a young age. Some of us cope with things by not always being honest with ourselves. Fake positivity never lasts. Sometimes you have to step back, and you have to allow yourself to sit with the parts of yourself you feel uncomfortable with. Being honest with yourself is the first step to being more honest and open in therapy.

[creative_writer]

I am starting to feel worse again 😫

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @creative_writer,

I feel for you and wish you weren't feeling this way. We are here for you if you want a chat or just to have someone to sit with you. I have sent you an email to check in with you. Please respond when you can.

FloatingFeather ❤️

[creative_writer]

@FloatingFeather. I replied to your email. I just came off a chat with SANE. I think I’ve grown tired of waking up thinking about past trauma. I feel like it’s become so automatic. I’m hoping this depressive episode comes to an end soon. I feel like it’s easier to cope with trauma when I am not so low.

♥️