Severe Depression

[Squidly]

I feel like I'm spiralling into a black hole

I have a loss of energy (physically and mentally)

massive feelings of emptiness and numbness.

I last left my house 2 months ago.

Can anyone give me advice, please?

[MermaidHair]

Hello @Squidly, firstly welcome to the forums, I am so glad you're here.

I am sorry to hear about the darkness you are in at the moment with your depression, I know it all too well myself unfortunately and it is the hardest thing to try drag yourself out of when everything, even the smallest things, feel impossible, you are not alone.

I can tell you a few things that I have done to get me through depressive episodes in the past, things that I found helpful and that got me feeling better over time.

Be gentle and kind to yourself. A big problem with depression is feeling bad about ourselves for being depressed and low energy which just makes us more depressed and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Give yourself permission to take it easy, go slow, be lazy, cry, wear PJs all day etc, you're allowed to, you're depressed.

Once you've given yourself that acceptance and permission you can take the next step, imagine you are someone you love, how would you take care of a depressed person? You might run them a bath, prepare them a delicious meal, put their favourite movie on for them or do some cleaning for them? Caring for yourself is hard to begin with so start small and work your way up.

Motivation generally follows reward so reward yourself first. If showering is too hard just wash your face. if cleaning is too hard just wash one cup. If leaving your house is too hard just stand in your yard or gaze out the window. Take small steps. 

 If you don't mind me asking, do you live with others or by yourself? 

[Jynx]

Hey @Squidly, I can totally understand the feeling of being at a loss of what to do, where to turn. It sounds like you might be experiencing anhedonia, which can be really demoralising/overwhelming to be stuck in. I guess the good news is that it is treatable, for most that's with the help of mental health professionals. Do you have much in the way of therapeutic support? 

If ever you want to connect with someone and talk through it all, you can always give our support line a buzz (1800 187 263 Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm) - the counsellors are a super lovely bunch, and it can help to be able to get stuff off our chest in a space where we know we won't be judged for it. 

Whatever the next steps for you are, we are here to walk beside you 💜

[Squidly]

I appreciate your responding to my post.

It's comforting speaking to someone from lived experience.

I will take small steps and reward myself first. 

It's overwhelming sometimes, but I'll get through it.

I currently live with my brother.

[Squidly]

Thank you for getting back to me.
It's a relief knowing that there is support that I can use.
I've done CBT with a psychotherapist before.
I should call a counsellor tomorrow during those times.
I appreciate your support.

[MermaidHair]

It is very overwhelming @Squidly and sometimes we need a bit of help and support along the way too. Knowing we are not alone, that others have been there and that there are ways out is as you said, comforting. I found solace in this too. You're never alone!

Are you close with your brother, does he know what you're going through? Do you have any other friends or family around?

Connecting with a mental health professional to provide tailored and ongoing support would be ideal, perhaps over the phone until you're feeling ready to get out?

Either way we are here for you. There are so many different posts and threads here for everything from advice and support, to motivation and entertainment. Getting involved here is a great step in itself so I'm really glad you reached out 🙏

[Jynx]

@Squidly well I'm glad you've got a bit of experience with therapy under your belt! I hope it was helpful? CBT can be so super useful, I'm really grateful for the skills its given me. I did find that I needed other therapeutic approaches as well, especially since CBT doesn't necessarily encourage the exploration of other stuff (such as delving into our formative years and how they shaped us) - I mean some therapists still do that stuff but yeah can be good to have a variety of different approaches so we can figure out what works best for our way of operating! 

I hope the call goes well tomorrow, if you end up doing so! Oh and just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @MermaidHair 😉

[Snowie]

Hi @Squidly 

Please know that you are not alone.

I have felt this way before. There have been times when I felt like a prisoner in my own home. Times where I think that things would never change.

Today I still suffer from depression, but do feel like I am keeping on top of it. Yes I have dips, times where I feel like all my hard work is for nothing. I think those are the times to remember how far I really have come.

I started by using my supports, either in person or on here. I tried to concentrate on the small things. I would set myself goals for the day. Even just the simple task of getting dressed, getting out of bed, brushing my hair would be a goal. Sometimes I would only do one goal a day. Over time I made those goals a bit bigger. Going out and buying a coffee, phoning a friend, washing my hair. I started small so I wasn't overwhelmed. I would reward myself too. Watching a movie I wanted, having some chocolate, have a coffee!

I also found writing helped. I still do. I write in my journal. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, sometimes even more than once a day. I found writing things that I couldn't say out loud helped. Mostly it was just for myself. These days there are still times when I write in it and show my psych. Mostly things that I struggle to say out loud.

Again, I will tell you that you are not alone. There is a whole community on here that can relate. Yes each of us has our own journey, but there are many things that we can all relate to.

Keep writing, keep reaching out, keep trying.

[Mustang67]

@Squidly @Snowie 

I have suffered depression for over 20 years, but the past 5 years it has been debilitating and affected all areas of my life. So I know how it feels and how lost and hopeless it can feel at times.

I can currently feel another bout coming on today. But the only way that I have made any steps forward with trying to manage my depression, has been with the help of professionals. I seem to take 3 steps forward and one step back. But in my book, that is still progress. It is just going to take time. 

And at times you do feel like it will never end. But these days, there is so much support available. You just need to find a therapist that feels right for you.

My partner took his own life nearly 22 years ago, and I blamed myself for his death, and carried that guilt with me for 21 years. It took seeing 5 different professionals, before I found one that asked me a very simple question regarding his last day. And when I answered it, I only then realised that it wasn't my fault. It was then I could start to grieve his loss properly. But that one simple question took a massive weight off my shoulders. And I couldn't believe, that for one, I didn't think of it, and two, why wasn't it pointed out to me by all the other professionals that I had seen in the past.

And thank you Snowie for talking about journaling your thoughts etc, as I have received a book I ordered called Write and Release. And because I can feel my thoughts and emotions going in the wrong direction, I am going to write it down. I have always thought about writing down exactly how I feel from time to time, but never end up doing it. So I am going to do it now. 

[Snowie]

Hi @Mustang67 

I'm sorry for all that you have gone through over the years.

It's good that you have found a professional that is helping you. Sometimes we have to go through a few to find the one that is a good fit for us.

Any progress is good, even if it is sometimes some steps backwards.

I really hope that the journalling helps. I find sometimes it is hit and miss, but overall most of the time it helps.