Struggling: TW suicide

[creative_writer]

@Jynx

Tw: SA
I’ve had water and dinner. Still feel like shit. Maybe I need rest. My heart is just breaking. I’ve had rough moments since my last psych appointment. I was already depressed and now more emotions have surfaced. Why did my past sexual experiences have to be so traumatic? I’ve had zero good experiences and I don’t know how I’ll ever be comfortable. I feel like I’ve lost something. It’s been eating up my head all day.

[Jynx]

@creative_writer your system is in overdrive, which is understandable. Comfort comes when we feel safe, and often SA experiences are such a violation of personal safety that it takes a while before comfort can be found again. But it can be found again. Perhaps that is what feels lost? A feeling of safety, and contentment. Have you got a way to increase those feelings, even a little? A little corner of your house, or in your bed wrapped up in blankets, or (like my own bed) surrounded by plush toys? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx maybe it does come down to feelings of safety. Non consensual experiences don’t feel safe. Ideally one wants their first experience to be consensual and feel safe, but I guess it was never in my destiny to get that. I guess it’s about moving forward from that. I do like being under covers and in bed because it helps me feel safer. It’s probably a bit hot for that right now, but I do find myself crawling to bed very often, probably because I find it hard to feel safe.
♥️

[Jynx]

@creative_writer that breaks my heart to hear. I truly hope that you find peace and can rebuild that sense of safety through your healing journey. It will take time, and I hope you can find ways to feel safe in intimacy in the future. You deserve it. For now, hiding under the covers is perfect. Like a lil burrito! Though yes, it is very warm... hopefully a cool change will come through and you can find comfort in bed again 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, it is very heartbreaking 😢. Healing will take time.

A lil burrito is a funny concept though. You love burritos don’t you? Oddly enough I’ve called my sister a sausage roll a couple of times when she was wrapped up in bed. Turns out our brains are not that different in a sense.

💗

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I do love burritos! I should make some... hehe. 

Aww sausage roll! That is too cute. It's like the Aussie version! 

Yeah we got some neat little commonalities, makes me very happy. Sitting here w a big smile 💜😁

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, I don’t even eat sausages often, can’t remember the last time I did. I think I’m more of a kebab person 😄
💗

[Jynx]

Oooh also very yummy @creative_writer. I just ever so love food! 😍🌯🍗🤤

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, do you love all food? Or is there a particular type you love the most?

[Jynx]

Funnily enough @creative_writer I don't like fish, or bananas. Most other stuff is awesome though. I reckon my fav has to be hmm... either Mexican, or curries - either Indian or Thai! 😍