Yet another problem

[PeppiPatty]

 .....if its not repressed dreams or my parents is this stress. Am I too sensetive?

Two years ago, my childhood sweetheart and i broke up. It was very sad but i had to keep myself safe. He is diagnosed chronic ( meaning all the time...) paranoid schizophrenia and i live with my own issues.

Since then, he has quit the drugs and alcohol. He was living four five hours drive away and he moved nearer to me about 3 months ago and wrote me a card.  we are both almost 50 years old. We both see our mothers a lot. Me...not really wanting to too much and him because he is incapable to make friends in the community without a bit of a push.

i see my Psychotherapist....im dealing with my own stuff. Its difficult that my life is centred around my medication effects and...brain damage.  . I further realise via therapy how badly ive been treated ny my family....for just being a woman. 

He is taking responsibility for himself......though i wasnt the reason why he quit he says he used to think...if he changed his life Round......i would be his prize...... but we are only friends....we just really like spending time together.

 his Mum continues to hate me.  When we broke up she  sending me threatening emails and ì responded by writing that i deaRly wanted our relationship to work and i was in danger from his alcohol use and the hospitals were not listening to me and how dangerous he was. I said if she kept up the emails i wou.d need to consider putting a restraining order on her. 

We stay over at each others place.....only as friends.....i dont think i can develop anymore, if she doesnt change .....im happy to walk away if she keeps on with her shenanighans....she calls him and asks if im staying the night and she will not see him when im here. 

I feel like im falling apart again. In the past, she would call my Mum and start the complaining.....my Mum would join in. I dont think i could do that again. 

it makes me ill tthat im dealing with this at my age. As well as this that i do need a .ot of support. 

Can anyone comment ? 

[Appleblossom]

What effects of your medication are you worried about @PeppiPatty?

I think it is good that you are clear about your sense of bond and affection with your ex. You also seem clear that you do not want a sexual relationship.  If it is ok with him it beats me why both your mothers have to be involved... but I guess they are ..

Does it matter if his mum wont visit when you are there .. just ignore it, keep her emails blocked, and have the good time with him ..most mums realise that their kids need relationships with other people too.

Sounds a worry that the 2 older mums gang up on the younger generation.

I believe that friendships can exist between men and women .. but I am weird so .. what do I know.

[PeppiPatty]

im trying not to laugh because im so incredibly disstressed and 

My poor darling ex has had this awful narcassistic mother who

Infactizes him then theres my mother the other narcassist whos too busy trying to score the who owns the sickest child. 

But we are both almost 50. My ex husband .....oh, he's only had his mother. His friends, all my friends from High School ignored his issues and told him he was pretending so he could get the pension and not have to work. 

Im trying not to laugh because @Appleblossom  thats why you are so cool. Blunt and weird. 

Im the one who cant go further in the friendship. I cant deal with the continual interference of two ......nightmare mothers. 

Also, i feel so overwhelmed with everythinb. I am sleeping for hours during the day and night. 

[sanfran]

Hi @PeppiPatty, the mothers sound indeed like nightmares! I think it is cool that you manage to have the friendship and stay over in spite of all the interference. Guess you have got the relationship to where it is working for you, but yes, everything together sounds overwhelming. . . .  and exhausting! I think I remember reading that you have a counsellor. I guess that and the forum give you support and relief, but doesn't change the 'mother dynamics' you and your ex have to deal with. 

[Appleblossom]

I am glad I made you laugh .. it wasnt intentional .. I am a bit literalist like an aspie

I really could not see anything funny in life 10 years ago .. but my kids tried to tell me silly jokes to cheer me up and that, their love, got through to me even if the jokes were not great.

Then I started making my serious, very proper, well educated but brain-damaged friend at my church choir laugh, by my little nonconformist comments .  Well I was over the moon .. me cheer people up.

I am adopting an attitude now that I'm ok and you're ok .. but that the world is really a pretty crazy place.

I did read the book when I was 16 but I couldnt actually believe the "I was ok" bit just the everybody else was ok

But Dahling there comes a time in a woman's life .. and you are definitely getting there .. when you have to laugh or cry and then laugh again.

Play a mind game with yourself: imagine the 2 mothers in bad hair days or weird clothes or whatever you have to do to reduce the pain of their interfering.

[PeppiPatty]

dearest @Appleblossom 

               @sanfran

Thanks...4hmm....im ok your ok.....that yellowpaper back? 

Ive read that.....whos that by again....??

Yes, i am so so worn out. Also can so identify with what@hiddenite was writing. Im in a quandry of emotions .. ." Emotions rock the wild sea."

I emailed my mum, i lost it and asked her not to have one of her nadcassistic rages on me then spent the whole night sending emails apologising.

Now shes calling me the things she is. It really hurts and im losing it.

Why am

I losing it?  

[Troubled_One]

Yeah to me sounds like you and your friend have got to a good place or as good as possible.

I dont know what advice to offer but i wish you well anne.

Iam in a similar position in my life atm, i have worked real hard to get here and am trying to get through getting a website up and running and getting moneybto move away from my fathers but the hard part is trying to do it with all the stop and go signs on the way.

I really wish you well 😃

[PeppiPatty]

so like hearing from you @Troubled_One

You are so clever for a 32 year old. 

Do you think its the best idea to move away from your Dads?

[Former-Member]

Sounds really difficult. When i was still speaking to my mum... I had the same issues, everything about me was bad and about how i caused her problems. When i told her i was going to uni to become a teacher she said to me "you're just doing that because you know I can't stand teachers!"..... of course that was the reason NOT! sigh!

I think you've started to stand up for yourself in so many ways, you've told the ex mother in law that you won't take any more emails from her. If you get anymore try not to read them and just delete. If she gets no feedback or response she's probably going to get bored because she's not getting a reaction?! bullies are a bit like that I've been told... You're putting up boundaries which is awesome. And i think you should trust your instinct that you only want a friendship with your ex. Does he feel the same way or is he still hoping for more?

I know you are a kind and warm hearted person. Do not believe the things that your mother writes to you. She will ALWAYS turn things and twist things because thats what narcissist people do. They totally believe themselves to be the superior one who is always right and wonderful. You'll never change her attitudes but I hope that you can believe from all of us here that we see your caring and compassionate soul in the way you care for us all.

LJ

[PeppiPatty]

yeah @Former-Member

Your right, ive known for years + years about the narcissism in my mother..... and then....worked through that my ex has the same type of mother. Im 47 years old......

All the things Ive worked through......in all the shades of black, grey, white all point to the same end conclusion, my mother doesnt know how to love anyone. She uses her children as an extension of herself. 

She does not care about me and no matter how hard I try, i cannot feel,' 'that way of thinking. 

I so enjoy reading your messages, how are you? 

How are the children ? 

Are they enjoying school?