Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BPDSurvivor]

Since I’ve gone through things that have worked for me, how about we discuss things that have NOT worked for me:

1. Telling me what to do

As someone with BPD, my life was out of control. If you told me what to do, I usually dug my heels in and did the opposite. Why? Because if you told me to do something, I felt you were trying to rob me of the little control I did have.

Rather, try ‘inviting’ your loved one to do something which thus EMPOWERS them and helps them feel in control. Sounds strange, eh? Words mean a lot. Instead of saying, “Breathe through this moment”, try “I invite you to breathe through this moment”.

Instead of saying, “Go an see a therapist”, try “Do you think it is a good idea to see a therapist?”

These are just 2 examples. Empowering a pwBPD can be done in a multitude of ways.

2. Keeping me in an inpatient unit

Undoubtedly, inpatient units have their place. For me, I often left a unit worse off than when I entered. The trauma and stress of being confined and having people control my every move was detrimental for me.

Research has shown that services such as Prevention and Recovery Centres (PARCs) are more helpful for pwBPD. These centres focus on recovery, and work with the person to set recovery goals.

3. Medication

I’d like to talk a little about the role of medication in pwBPD. BPD itself is not treated with medication. However, medication does help alleviate some symptoms of BPD such as depression and anxiety. For me, when my symptoms (anxiety, depression, insomnia) were stabilised, I could then focus on the psychotherapy needed to help me learn new helpful ways of thinking which ultimately affected my behaviour.

Question 3

What are some things that haven’t worked for you when interacting with someone with BPD?

[BlueBay]

I believe now I have a hood fit of GP, psychologist and psychiatrist who understand BPD. 
ut took 10 years of therapy with other psychologist but now I know I'm on the right treatment team. 
@BPDSurvivor 

[BPDSurvivor]

@Shaz51 ,

Do your friend's son see a therapist?

15 years is a very challenging age in itself. There are so many neurological changes taking place in a teenager's brain at that time. I believe training in taking control of his own breath is a great way to start. However, I also acknowlege how difficult this is. It requires regular ongoing practise, and it would be probably helpful if he had a trained person to guide him at first.

If he can learn to take control of his breath, he will be more able to reduce his heart rate and in turn take his body out of fight/flight mode.

[BlueBay]

I agree with you @BPDSurvivor  everytime my previous psychologist told me to stop emailing I would do it more. It was like I was trying to see how far I could push him. 
Telling me what to do irritates me. 

[HenryX]

In my connections with people who are to see a MH practitioner, it has always been suggested that if the person does not feel comfortable with the practitioner, they should ask to be referred on or seek out another practitioner themselves.

With the depth of personal interaction in a MH client/practitioner relationship, it is very important that the relationship should be seen as both supporting and therapeutic.

Personalities interact in different ways and it is important that the personalities interact favourably, as is the case in many other relationship situations, but especially in the therapeutic environment.

[BPDSurvivor]

That's amazing to hear @BlueBay !

It took me more than 10 years to get the 'right' treatment. 

People used to just turn away from me. However, I also believe if the same treatment was offered to me earlier, I would not have been ready.

So when I mean the right 'fit', the pwBPD must also be ready.

Recovery is a 2-sided process. It doesn't work if only the therapist is doing all the work, neither does it work if only the pwBPD is doing the work. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Absolutely @HenryX !

Everyone is different! Personalities, likes, dislikes, experiences, needs.

For example, even if 2 people are diagnosed with BPD, they will not be the same. There is such a huge spectrum. Therefore, as you said @HenryX , if things don't work with one therapist, seek alternatives.

Just don't give up!

[BPDSurvivor]

Yes @BlueBay !

If someone told me NOT to do something, I'd do it on purpose. Believe it or not, it's not because we are 'bad' people. It attributes to the condition! Boundary-testing to see how much someone REALLY cares... or to prove to ourselves that they really don't care! Self-sabotage all right!

[BlueBay]

Hi @HenryX 

My previous psychologist took advantage of me seeing him weekly gir 5 years. Im sure he would hsve know earlier that treating me was out of his depth. I was vulnerable and looked up at him as a close friend. 
looking back now I can see so many wrong things between a therapist and patient. But at the time he was 'my amazing friend' 

 looked up to him like a father figure. 

Gee I feel pretty ashamed of writing so much about  me. It's not nice. 
@BPDSurvivor 

[BlueBay]

Oh yes @BPDSurvivor self sabotage 

that's me definitely