Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I don't know if I have got this...to be honest. It doesn't feel like it 

I will try and remember to be gentle with myself.

Guided Recovery is going okay. I've only been to two groups and had two counselling sessions. The groups, I feel a little disconnected in but I appreciate how there's no pressure and it's friendly and laid back. The counselling is strange...I've never done it before so still getting used to it. My counsellor doesn't push and knows when to step in when I get flustered or lose my words. 

Good night AuntGlow. 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow @tyme  @Jynx @rav3n @Dreamy just filling you in..

I went to my GP appointment. I kinda summarised my notes, didn't say it all, or how I wanted to say it and couldn't look at her as I was saying it. I was aware of the lack of eye contact, and it made me feel self-conscious but I couldn't make eye contact. I was honest about the SH, but found myself lying about the SI. I don't know why, but when she asked...I said no. 

I have a MHCP. I have medication to start. I have to have bloods. I also have medication for an infection. I have a referral to a psychologist that does online and over the phone appointments. I have to go back in two weeks.

I'm emotional, on the verge of tears. I've felt really activated all day. Really anxious and it's been really hard to manage. I just want to curl up in a ball on the couch tonight. 

[Dreamy]

@MissinTooth I'm so proud of you for going and saying the things you've said, it's ok that you didn't go into everything the point is you have started this process. This has been a huge thing for you so please be gentle with yourself.

I'm glad you have got medication to start. Hope the blood test goes ok and that the medication clears the infection up. So glad you have got a referral to a psychologist and I really hope it's a right fit for you. 

I completely understand how you are feeling so know that I'm sitting with you. I know it's uncomfortable to sit with but you've been through alot and it's normal to be feeling all sorts of things right now. I'm sending you very gentle hugs, curl up on the couch with a nice soft blanket and have some snuggles with your puppy. You've honestly done so well my sweet ♥️

[MissinTooth]

@Dreamy thank you. I'm just...I'm exhausted and processing and I want to cry, but I can't. 

I might be pretty quiet tonight. I'll reach out here if I need and seek supports. I just need some time. 

[AuntGlow]

Hello lovely @MissinTooth 🥰

I know it may not feel like you have achieved something big here, but you absolutely have.

I am so proud of you. 

It's okay that you didn't divulge everything straight away, you don't have to. I know it's big for you to hold, so it must feel enormous to share. Please be gentle with yourself.

You achieved exactly what you needed to - to get the MHCP and medication. We can breathe now. 

Let's sit together tonight and slow things right down, you deserve a break. 💛

[Dreamy]

@MissinTooth understandable, take care of yourself. 

We are always here if you need us ❤️ 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow how do we do that? Slow things down? I'm open to ideas. 

And how are you? 

[AuntGlow]

Hmm, literally slowing down all of your movements can help to regulate your nervous system. What do you think about giving that a go tonight? @MissinTooth 

haha well, since you asked - I just got back from the doctor too! I was also very anxious and almost cried *multiple times. I had the opposite experience where I rambled on for England and kept oversharing. 😂 Our experiences are very different of course, but please know that you aren't alone in finding the GP vulnerable and scary. 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow let's try that.

I hope you're okay Aunt Glow. You don't have to sit here with me, if you need time. 

I appreciate it. I can't even make thoughts at the moment, so if you need...

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I'm not feeling all that fantastic tonight. I'm going to step out and try and get some rest. 

Night Aunt Glow.