Running

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

I appreciate you so so much and I too despise all the people in my life who have abused and inflicted such horrendous things on me and the others I have known. 

But I wouldn't call myself damaged. 

I am as I am, the beautifully kind-hearted woman who by the grace of God has survived hell, though traumatised yes, but damaged? No. Because to be damaged means to say something is wrong with me and dare I say there is nothing *wrong* with me, as there is nothing *wrong* with you.

For as David writes in Psalm 139, we are both fearfully and wonderfully made, His works are wonderful and we know that full well 💜

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde so very true. You are not damaged. You are made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9)

And I have never thought of you as damaged, I should have said those people who tried to damage you. 

I hope you have a peaceful night sweetheart xo

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

How are you

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde I am not great. Anxiety is high. I am praying through it. I hope you're okay x

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

My best friend is in hospital... she's like my little sister... she's part of my little family that I've made myself... and I feel like her mum doesn't understand how much she means to me... I don't have a real family and *Jasmine is the closest I've got. She's my oldest and dearest friend and her mum doesn't think it's important to keep me informed! I won't know if she has surgery or how she's doing because I'm just lucky enough she told me this time! Because most of the time they don't. 

*name changed

[AuntGlow]

Hello @avant-garde, 

Thank you so much for letting me know. I am so sorry your friend is in hospital... this would be really scary for you both. 😔 She sounds incredibly important to you, so of course you care and want to be there for her. Do you think a visit at some stage be possible at all? 💛

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

No, her mum is like a hawk and does not see the point of visitors which really angers me, Jasmine is 31. I'm lucky I even got told!

[AuntGlow]

😔 This sounds really tough... @avant-garde 

How are you feeling about everything today? 💛

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

I have Bible study in a while at my pastors place. 

TW: SA

Content/trigger warning

  the most prominent memories of Bible study at pastors places are in my teenage years... where we didn't study the Bible... instead it was a time when I was repeatedly raped... saying it was sanctifying...

I've been listening to sermons and I can't say it's easy

[AuntGlow]

There are no words for the trauma and pain this must have inflicted upon you @avant-garde. No person should ever have to go through this... I really appreciate you sharing this with me, it gives me even more context as to why church can be so painful for you. I am wondering what will help you to feel safe tonight? I am here for you, okay? 💛