Hi everyone, I'm new here having stumbled across the website looking for help with my own feelings.
My daughter is now 23, around age 10 she was diagnosed with anorexia NOS, Aspergers, Bipolar B, and later reactive attachment disorder. Her father and I divorced when she was 11 and he then proceeded to not only refuse to help me manage her mental health in any way, but also to actively interfere by speaking badly of me to her. During hospital stays for psychotic episodes brought on by medication side effects and suicidal ideation she decided that if she refused to return home to me her father would then step up and have her live with him, which is something his partner at the time refused to allow. ( according to him ) Unfortunately this didn't go as planned when he refused and Child Services became involved because she then had nowhere to go. ( still refusing to return home to me )
She obviously resents this happening and blames me 100% for everything. When her younger sister told me she'd end her life if my daughter came home things just got worse as I had to then refuse to have her home. It very nearly killed me and to this day I can't forgive myself.
Fast forward to age 21 when she became pregnant with her first child, my grandson. I was there every step of the way during her pregnancy and, surprisingly to me, was the first person she told. Her first night home with her new baby was a struggle and I was called at 8.30pm for help. I spent the entire night walking the floor with a newborn who wouldn't latch for successful breastfeeding. The next day daughter, her partner, baby and 2 cats moved in with me and my current husband for 2 weeks of Mum support. When she left she even said to me that she couldn't have done it without me. Best moment of my life!
I thought things were ok, we were in regular contact and I spent a LOT of time with my grandson. Then in early February she stopped replying to messages and answering my phone calls. I was worried so after a few weeks I went to her house but she wasn't home. I went back a week later and she became enraged and told me I was acting like a creepy stalker with all the messages. I said I was just trying to get in touch with her. She then shouted at me that this was the second time I'd been to her home and if I ever came over again she'd call the police. I asked how I'd see my grandson ( who was standing beside me ) and she said she didn't want me to be a part of his life. He was almost 3 then. Her partner was there the whole time and said nothing. She then shouted at me, pointed to the door and told me to get the f*** out of her house and she'd call the police if I ever came back. As I left I heard her tell her partner that she'd told him if I came over to lock the door and now it was his fault their son was upset.
After a few weeks my older daughter told me that my daughter and her partner had discussed cutting me out of their lives and wanted to do it while my grandson was still young enough to forget me.
My oldest and youngest daughters have opted to "not take sides" because "you know how she is". My son said he'd let things settle then try to talk to her. So now I feel betrayed by my daughters, especially the eldest as we're extremely close, to the point that my daughter even told her she was surprised she wasn't "taking Mum's side". I understand her reasoning that she wants her kids to have a relationship with their cousin, however they never used to see much of each other.
I just feel so hurt and alone in all this. I don't understand why she's made this decision without any warning or anything happening to cause it. I've missed my grandson's 3rd birthday and I can't stop thinking about whether he thinks Nanny doesn't love him anymore because she's disappeared from his life.
I also found out that my daughter has been on fertility treatment and is expecting twins in early November. She couldn't manage 1 child and needed me so how will she cope with 3?
This sounds like something out of a soap opera, but unfortunately it's my real life. I never thought this would be my reality. This is definitely affecting my relationship with my eldest daughter too, not that I've told her. I just can't understand why she isn't angry with her sister for what she's done and not trying to help.
I've had hypnotherapy and am taking natural herbal medications to help me cope but I'm really struggling. I just don't see a happy future.
