Helping grown up freind with teenager trauma

[654321m]

My freind works very hard long shifts at mining camps and has repeating trauma brought up from what has hapened to him as a teenager, there is some work place bulling and he is on medication for depression and talks quite open about his past trauma situations and is in like a loop repeating his past, has 3 beers once a month and seems to fall into a depressive pattern as described above.and acknolgies his pattern and carnt seem to let go of the trauma of his teenage years., I have been his freind now for 3 years listening to his trauma stories and he has made great recover for himself,he is very pro active with his health and nutrition but after his 3 week shift its fair to understand that he goes into a depressive state brining up venting trauma situations, woul really like some advice on some guidance to help his situation.

[tyme]

Hey @654321m l

Thank you for sharing.

I hear you are doing what you can to be a supportive friend. At the same time, please remember to look after yourself as well.

Sometimes, just having someone to listen can be a great help. 

It's also important that your friend has professional supports to help him work through some of this trauma. From experience, as much as friends want to 'help', they may not have the professional expertise and it may end up being more harmful.

Being supportive may also mean you setting boundaries around what you can and can't support them with.

Does your friend have professionals he can work with and hopefully devise a plan before he gets to these depressive episodes?

KidsHelpline may also be helpful on 1800 55 1800. This is not only for 'kids', but those up to the age of 25.

Consider the friendship role you want to take. This may guide you in how to help your friend.

It's great your friend has you. I hope things get better.

[Minkie-Rose]

Hi @654321m 

The concern that you have for your friend is admirable. 

Adverse events, such as bullying, have a lasting impacts and can manifest in cyclic patterns of behaviour, as demonstrated by your friend. This is a natural response to unresolved trauma.

It seems to me that your friend would benefit from seeing a helping professional (e.g. counsellor or psychologist). This engagement would help your friend to process his emotional trauma. Moreover, it would enable the identification of new coping strategies and the pathway to wellbeing. A useful therapy to achieve these outcomes, is Acceptance Commitment Therapy. 

In addition to this suggestion, I would point your friend to the key pillars of mental health, as supported by most helping professionals. These include: maintaining a good sleeping pattern, eliminating/substantially reducing the consumption of alcohol or other drugs, practicing mindfulness, and exploring one's spirituality. 

Lastly, I hear that you are a kind person. In this regard, I suggest that you continue lending a ear to your friends concerns (insofar as this is not impacting on your wellbeing). Apart from this, there would be benefit in you drawing attention to your friends strengths, which include being proactive with his health and nutrition.

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @654321m 

Thank you for sharing and reaching out for support to help your friend.  I can tell you really care about him.  He's lucky to have someone like you there for him.

I know it can be hard listening to the trauma stories over and over but sometimes that what some people need to help process what has happened to them.  It sounds like he is good at  looking after himself physically - health and nutrition wise.  This will undoubtedly assist with his mental health, but do you know if is is seeing or has in the past seen a psychologist or other mental health professional about his past trauma?

There would be resources available to him through work - Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) and maybe even mental health assistance given he is working on the mines, which are confidential and no one at work would know he is utilising them, and there are also other resources like MensLine (https://mensline.org.au/) and Blue Knot Foundation (https://blueknot.org.au/) that have resources available to read online and also access to counseling services.

Your friend is lucky to have such a caring friend like you

Please look after yourself too - hearing about other peoples trauma can impact the listener as well.

Warm regards

SkySeeker22