Hi,

I have been in my relationship for 8 years and we have two children together 6 & 3. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia 1.5 years ago but his symptoms started 10 years ago. I’ve known about his psychosis and delusions since the beginning of our relationship, it simply took that long to get him treated. In 1.5 years he’s had two hospital admissions and also spent two weeks at a rehabilitation clinic. 

I am the sole adult in our house. I do all the parenting (and parent him), all the running of the household, I provide 100% of the motivation in the house to get anything done/achieved, I plan ahead, I make sure that our family functions. 

I am a single parent, even though there are two of us, and I am alone even though I am in a relationship. My partner is unable to meet my emotional needs or give affection or be an equal partner. This is not the environment that I planned to raise my kids in.

I am at the point where I need to choose; do I fight for my relationship and to keep my family together for the sake of compassion for his severe illness? I would be doing this knowing that my kids will see me unhappy and unfulfilled and experience a very uneven partnership between their parents. Or do I leave knowing that he cannot be a co-parent with me and this will mean that my kids go from living with their dad to probably only seeing him every couple of weeks? I would have a chance of a fulfilling life but I would be demonstrating to them that being a carer for their father is too much. 

I understand logically that he doesn’t mean to be thoughtless, uncommunicative and selfish. I know that he does have love for me but cannot express or access the feeling/s. Although I might know this to be true, it FEELS like I’m in a neglectful relationship. Whether he has control of it or not, the end result is the same for me. 

Thanks for reading.