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  • Author : Silenus
  • Support : 5
  • Topic : Recovery Club
13 Apr 2016 12:50 AM
Senior Contributor

I wrote this poem to describe the terrible hold that depression can have on me. I spent so many months in a darkened bedroom, the curtains closed, hiding under the covers of my bed. Again and again I would tell myself that today would be the day that I would be able to make it to work. Again and again, I proved too weak to be able to meet the challenge. But I'm still here, so depression has never truly defeated me...

Erm... I had to type the word k-n-o-b (as in doork-n-o-b) with hyphens because the automatic filter didn't like it. Go figure... hahaha...

 

Deepression

I lie here now, a useless lump,
Listening to my heart go thump,
My lead blanket holds me trapped,
A premature shroud in which I’m wrapped.
I cannot face the world today,
My inner demons now hold sway,
Rising, an ocean of tears inside,
I am dead to me, my tears uncried.

I know I should escape my room,
My hopes and dreams lie in this tomb,
Unrealised and trapped, just like me,
A mad fool who longs to be free.
But “should” is just another word,
I berate myself for being absurd,
I bang my head with my fist,
No pleasure for this masochist.

I made it to the front door today,
Believing I would be okay,
I reach a hand out for the k-n-o-b,
I must get out and do my job.
But like so many times before,
I cannot open that front door,
Instead I turn and get undressed,
Fall into bed, a man depressed.

I look in the mirror from time to time,
Practice fake smiles, a happiness mime,
But I never look myself in the eye,
If I see the emptiness I know I’ll die.
And who would I smile at anyway?
I’m lone and alone, (and prefer it that way?)
I hate myself for being so weak,
For being this stupid emotionless freak.

I know that this depression will pass,
And I’ll be able to get off my ass,
But tell that to my leaden limbs,
To my precious inner light that dims.
This weight for me is an eternity,
I feel condemned to taciturnity,
I am now at my lowest point,
My failures continue to disappoint.

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