So today started off pretty good. I got up at 8 and took my dog outside, put a load of washing on and stacked the dishwasher. I thought ‘this is good’. The sun was shining and it was a nice day.

The washing is still in the machine and the dishwasher is still stacked.

Everything just come crashing down as the dark thoughts all returned.

I am so tired. I am tired of fighting to get better. I know I need to focus on the little wins. Such as starting out ok, but I keep letting the dark moments win. 

I have 3 people that I’ve told what I’m sort of going through however not one has called to check I’m ok. I know I’m being selfish and that they are busy with their lives but it makes me feel like no one cares and I’m not worthy. I hate this feeling. 

I just wish I wasn’t here. I am so sick of feeling like this. I’m such a waste of space and time. 

I’ve taken a block of work to hopefully sort myself out but I haven’t been able to so far. I guess it will get better. I am trying, I walk my dog every day, listen to

music and have tried reading. The thoughts keep coming back whenever I try to do things to distract me. I’ve tried meditation sessions on YouTube but I still can’t relax and forget. 

Don’t worry about me because, a, I’m not worth it and b, I’m just venting to get it out.