My hospital admissions usually come out of crisis @NatureLover either through emergency services being called or my case manager taking me in straight away. I’ve never had a planned admission. 

I spoke with one of the lovely SANE counsellors last night. Tried to get my head around why I needed them to make the decision for me (without ES being involved) vs just accepting the offer of a planned admission. I think there is a lot of guilt associated with choosing to go into hospital and leaving a mess behind for my mum to deal with. If they tell me I need to go (but I need to go voluntarily too, I don’t want to be admitted as an involuntary patient, I need to stay in control), then… I don’t know. I don’t feel as guilty. Complicated! My head is a mess! 

I have no appointments today. A day at home. Mum wants me to clean the exhaust fan in the bathroom. We have home help coming today, to see what additional help mum wants around the house. I’m glad that things are finally starting to happen in regards to all of that. I’ll exercise some and then do some painting. I’ve nearly finished my third paint by numbers of photos that I’ve custom ordered. I wish I could show them. They look just like the photos. I will soon run out of room to hang them, as I got frames for them all. So have decided… and my psychologist also encouraged me, to offer my painting skills to friends. Perhaps someone out there would like a photo turned into a painting? 

anyways, off I go.