Hi @chibam 

I'm sorry the world is such a dark place for you - it must be very grim.

I didn't try and change the whole world - only my own life - which had nearly been destroyed by someone else's decision - and it was my choice to improve my circumstances.

Decades ago now my troubled teenage son completed suicide - he was definitely off the rails - and I could have felt bad about it for the rest of my life - there are days when I still feel it - suicide doesn't stop the pain - it just spreads it around and people deal with the impact as they choose.

Mine was to improve my life - and I did - other people's dislike of my choices - before and after the terrible event - was up to them - and I am not troubled about this now as I am estranged from my siblings and my parents are gone. 

Changing my name was something they really hated - I don't know why - for me every day of my life I like the name I have now - and why should I have lived with a name I disliked?

Maybe in some ways I have changed the world through my assertive behaviour. I have written to politicians and other authorities about issues I have seen as wrong. Hopefully I have eased other people's suffering. I have had some success through the years - I am not young anymore but I am still proactive.

Anyway - if you have chosen to live your life accepting your status quo then that's your choice. I'm sorry about your circumstances and I don't know what is causing you so much despair.

But I did change my circumstances in a big way in the past - and I am glad I did. I am not saying this is something you can do. I really didn't care of other people didn't like it. That's my family actually. They weren't listening to me when I tried to explain anyway.

So - everyone is unique - I wish you the best and hope you can make things easier for yourself.

Owlunar