I figured it out. Over the last several years I have experienced levels of betrayal I never expected. From people I really trusted including my sister and closest friend. Betrayal is the worst emotion of all in my opinion. It shatters you. I'm still shattered and I think I anticipate betrayal because I've experienced so much of it. The people who betrayed me are no longer in my life. They are dead to me.

I have had so much counselling that I don't want anymore. I don't think I could be bothered telling my story to a stranger again. It makes perfect sense that the amount of betrayal I've experienced would seep to my core. Furthermore I am a Melbourne girl who moved to the Bush. I fit in perfectly in any big city but I don't fit in here. I have been bullied a lot which is something I've never experienced before. And all because I travel to the beat of my own drum, guard my privacy and live a very interesting life. The path I am on, the path I chose, requires strength so I thank the bullies and the rednecks for making me strong. I'm conscious that the feeling I have of being rejected/betrayed comes from being constantly rejected and betrayed over the last many years.

I have enough people who really love me to fix this up. Sometimes we just need to talk it through to work it out. I think my nervous system is still out of whack but every day I get better. I've got this. Thank you for listening and allowing me to reach out. This is a very safe place. I need that 💜💜💜