Wow @Jezza1 ,

I am in awe of your resilience and perseverance. As difficult as it may be to accept, you have defied the odds and come leaps and bounds. 

I'm sorry how difficult life has been - so many challenges. Yet I see your courage and strength shining through.

I'm not a doctor, but the effects of heavy drug use can be long lasting. The damage done is often irreversible. My brother-in-law smoked everything under the sun - why? because he was sexually abused as a child. He is clean now, but is on likfetime antipsychotics because he knows he has a family to keep. When talking to him, I can see irreversible damage has been caused. Yet he continues to press on despite the odds. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is now a life worth living.

As for myself, I have chronic suicidal ideation due to my condition. It used to upset me, but now I take it with a grain of salt. I just let the thoughts come and go. 

Just keep holding on. You are such a major inspiration.