I think I am in a relationship where I’m experiencing LBD. I’ve read about it but it’s quite foreign to me.

With my ex, we could never keep our hands off each other. Whenever we got together, day or night, we couldn’t seem to keep it in our pants, so to speak. If in public, we would give each other loving looks, caresses and discreet hand holding. Hence, LBD seemed like it was something that didn’t and wouldn’t exist in my life.

With my current, we’ve only been dating for 2 years and living together for 1, but we don’t seem to have any hots for each other. I’m very bothered by it. I’ve brought it up with my partner many months ago. I told her that we’d only been together barely a year and even then, she doesn’t seem interested. I know she has her desires too, because prior to me, she’s admitted that she does ONS and goes on random dates and takes women home. I wonder if it’s just me. My self esteem has taken a hit. I feel that it is just me.

She initially told me that it’s not me, she’s still very attracted to me. Told me that her high demand work plus her high demand young son just sucks everything out of her. So the first thing to go is sex. Therefore she doesn’t have any desire left. Then a few months down the road, she told me that it’s peri menopause. There is absolutely no desire inside her. She’s only just turned 48. I’ve just turned 37.

I have to say, this LBD thing is quite upsetting. Over the past 4 months, I’ve begun to switch off. I don’t ask her anymore. I don’t do any initiation because of the constant rejections. If I ever feel any urge, I use my vibrator. When she’s watching tv, I lock myself in the room and do it and then go to sleep. She comes in at night none the wiser.

I’ve done everything I can. She just isn’t interested. We get along well, so it can’t be that we don’t like each other. We have a fantastic domestic partnership and the house runs like clockwork. Her 6.5YO is very well taken care of between the two of us and he wants for nothing. We both have work, so it is not the stress of being jobless (something we both experienced over covid lockdowns). I admit that we DO lead very busy lives, but I still have urges. Doesn’t she? I’ve requested she stop walking around naked. She has the tendency to strip outside the bathroom before her showers and then walk out naked to get dressed. At first, it’d make me want to touch her and I can’t coz she wouldn’t let me, so I told her not to do it. Now, I just avert my eyes whenever she does it. I don’t even bring it up with her anymore. It feels like I’m begging and desperate when I do. And I don’t like it.

I curb my urges. I feel very disgruntled. If I was single, at least I can justify why I’m relying on my vibrator, or seek other people (which I’ve never ever done, btw. Just saying I’d be able to). But I’m now attached, I can’t seek someone else to fulfil my desires, and I’m in a forced celibacy.

I don’t know who to talk to. I wonder if it’s normal. Is there anyone in the same boat? Is there anyone who is living a sexless life like me but reluctant to leave because sex is actually not that ‘big’ of a deal compared to the other things in life that we share?