~ The Toolshed ~

[tyme]

Hey @toodles !

Love it! Happy Summer!

[Glisten]

❤️

[scruffypuffball]

@Glistenit is ups and downs.  I was relieved when i walked away from extended family and cut contact w/ my abuser who I lived with.  the abuse is so bad that when you first take steps to get away it is such a relief.  Then months/years later as you process what happened. I still have my down days and it has been 26+ years.  I hope it is better for you.  everyone is different.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  It was the opposite for me. He discarded me. I was an empty shell. I’d lost everything including myself.

I’m still building me. Kept some useful old parts. I need to grind out some bits that are stuck in some gears ⚙️ 

I am a work in progress.

[scruffypuffball]

@Glistenoh, i was discarded by two families as well.  with my abuser, i stopped speaking to him to stop the violence.  then 3 years later i was dumped by two families on my dads side, but then i discarded them.  i think they expected me to go crawling back, but i walked away without saying goodbye.  they were salty.  then i had to deal with the trauma bonds. still to this day.  Abusers go thru what they call cycle of abuse:

1. Idealise

2. Devalue

3. Discard

it is a sadistic transaction rather than a meaningful human connection.  they get power and supply from the discard.  the relational games that Shannon Thomas was talking about.  I didnt realise until I was 20 that I was being played the whole time.  I have a youtube video to share with you, but I need to find it. ❣️

[Glisten]

Oh my stars @scruffypuffball  I can’t imagine how absolutely heartbreakingly horrible that was to be in a cluster of people with narcissistic traits.

I barely survived being raised by my father and then opening myself up to abuse again by accepting my ex-narcissist as a partner, that finished me.

How did you survive it all?

[scruffypuffball]

@Glisten 

I found it 🤗 this is for you. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX-J590kIfU

it was so hard.  at times i thought i would not make it. my friends helped.  healthy relationships helped.  Hobbies helped.  Internet (twitter) helped.  Psycho-education helped. Staying the hell away from them helped. but since my parents died i have gone backwards.  These family narcs did approach me at my mums funeral and invited me back, but I aint taking that bait.  The abuse is so much worse if you go back.

i have given up at lot of my socialising due to covid, so this grief is so hard. i appreciate you keeping me company tonight tho.  these forums help. thx for just being there for me in a meaningful way.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  The thanks is all mine. Reading your words is like finding magic armour.

I’ve found the same thing with peeling back my scare tissue. Each scare covers a gemstone 💎 of knowledge.

[scruffypuffball]

I’m still building me. Kept some useful old parts. I need to grind out some bits that are stuck in some gears.I am a work in progress."

I found this quote for you @Glisten

"What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.”

Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

@Jynx @tyme @toodles @_PixieSolstice_ @NatureLover @Shaz51 @Dimity @Snowie @Appleblossom @TideisTurning 

[Appleblossom]

Great quote @scruffypuffball 

Food for thought.

A lot depends on what we are conscious of.