Feeling...

[Former-Member]

i'd love some tips on how @Former-Member its just so hard

[Former-Member]

It certainly is.  Early on in my career I had a raging case of compassion fatigue that left me quite ill.  I took a few years off from direct client work and found that things were different when I returned.  Rather than being a sponge soaking up everyones pain, I was 'teflon coated'.  It all started to slide off. 

I think it came from realising that I was not responsible for the outcome. I can do my best, be caring and as helpful as possible, without taking on the responsibility for recovery.  The weight of that responsibility, and the willingness to share their pain, had made me ill.

It's an attitude shift rather than a self-care strategy.  But one I often had to remind myself of.  People pull at your heart strings.  You want better outcomes for them.  Particularly children who have so little control themselves.  But you can only do your best within the limits of your role.  You can be a steady caring presence that is so different from everyone else in their lives.  But you can't rescue them.  Or change their families.  Just as I couldn't undo the damage that had been done to people or shape all their future choices.

I know you know that logically.  But it has to seep deeper inside you.  That's what makes you teflon coated.

[Former-Member]

Big hugs... @Former-Member

It's okay to feel however you feel - blank sounds like a feeling to me - your health professionals need to think outside the box?...

You have tonnes of empathy, you care... It would break my heart too, so no tips on how to be more "detached"

Just hugs... No sleep yet... Hope tomorrow is better for us both x

Namaste,

Anna

[Faith-and-Hope]

It sounds like compassion fatigue to me @Former-Member. It's a real thing, and 'blank' sounds like an apt description for how you would be feeling ..,,,

One of the mods posted some info about it a while ago, but it may have been on the Carers forum. I is something carers are prone to, and in your role as a teacher you are a carer, and in your role as a parent you are a carer too.

It is important to learn to "change hats" because somewhere in there you need to be a carer for yourself, and when there seems to be just too much to do, that's the hat we tend to skip, and then fall down into a heap of fatigue because our own batteries didn't have the chance to recharge.

There is only so much we can do, and the children you care so much for are suspended within a society. You are not solely responsible for them, or their life outcomes, and trying to assume responsibility for them will wear you out.

It's not a matter of not caring, it is about boundaries .... you can walk them to the boundary of your watch, then pick them up again at the boundary of your next watch, trusting that somehow they will be okay in between, and that being in your care for that little while will make a long term difference to their lives. And it is likely to be more about who you are than what you actually do for them that becomes a role model in their lives for the future.

Send well-wishes after them, but keep yourself at the boundary so you are available to yourself and your own children.

You are a beautiful kind-hearted caring person, and that is showing them how it's done.

❤

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member

I dont think there is any thing "wrong" with you.  You care.  Its far from idea this world ... and illusions are even in the education dept! ... its too big to love everybody .. but I also try to care and feel for those in my daily life ..Society and schools are filled with a million issues.

Burn out happens .. and the best we can do is find a balanced way to manage it.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope and @Former-Member .. hope you are doing ok.

I loved @Former-Member comment about the teflon coating .. we cant go into permanent rescue mode ... teflon coated can refer to more callous approach ... but she's a great thoroughly experienced mod .. it was obvious from her context .. she still cares .. and caring makes a difference ... so learn to fill up when you can .. detachment can be thought about in different ways too ... if it is gentle and contemplative it is usually ok ... whether buddhist or christian

thinking of you gal

Apple

[Decadian]

There's nothing wrong with you @Former-Member - unless you have an over-dose of compassion and decency

And caring too much - how can anyone do that?

But I have seen people burn out on me and my stuff in the past - and people can be cruel about that -

We need to protect ourselves esp if we are compassionate - so the thing is to have a balance - it means having a tough place inside to go to when some tough love is involved - and you have already had it tough

Be Teflon coated - yes - that is necessary at times -

But how do we do that? I'm sure this is the first time I have heard it in reference to human self-protection - but the word fits - sorry - I forget who wrote it

But you certainly don't have anything wrong with you @Former-Member

Decadian

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member thinking of you

I finally picked up the little spare part that was missing on my vacuum.  Yes it took 6 months as I didnt have the car and just couldnt get motivated with everything else to do ... cost $20 and 2 trips to the store ... one to isolate the problem ... order it and one trip to pick it up.  Did it really matter that I used the garden broom to do the carpet for 6 months? Yay tomorrow I plan to buy a carpet shampoo and really spruce up the place. Havent been so enthusiastic about vacuuming in a very long time.

Just nattering about the mundane to reach out and give you a hook bella.

And put into perspective the million and one things that goes into being ... a 3 letter word ... mum.