Functioning with ADHD

[tyme]

In a way, I have to acknowledge that you "feel" like an idiot; and your 'brain' is trying to convince you. 

This tells me that you've separated you from what you are experiencing @creative_writer 

From what I've experienced, it is in this 'space' that the work can be done.

Proud of you hun.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe I have separated in some ways.

I have other thoughts such as “you should be able to do this yourself and not need support”. I’m constantly trying to break free from these thoughts, it’s exhausting and hard. I think I’ve mentioned that I don’t get SI everyday, it just feels disappointing when the thoughts start popping up. I know things have been rough for days now, it’s probably just natural for the thoughts to pop up more often. The thoughts also feel like a safety net while I’m feeling really low, even though I hate having them, I’m not sure if I want to give them up

[AuntGlow]

Your brain isn't broken at all! @creative_writer 

I can understand why you might feel like it is, because you're feeling quite activated, but remember - this is just your brain's most familiar pathway! Like @tyme said, you're noticing these thoughts/parts and creating some separation, which is wonderful and shows so much progress. 

You mentioned a self-soothing meditation for your inner child... could we turn to that tonight? 💛

[tyme]

I can certainly see change even if you are not able to see it that well @creative_writer . Your posting is somewhat 'different' to what it has been in the past. 

I hear it is still not comfortable, and that there's room for things to change, but remember, it's progress over perfection.

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I think talking and comforting my inner child might be the way to go. I am probably quite activated as you said.

@tyme it’s true it’s about progress and perfectionism. I need to tell that to my perfectionist brain.

@AuntGlow @tyme I’ve taken a PRN, so will try to get some sleep soon. It’s been an exhausting day

[AuntGlow]

I am sure the PRN will help to slow things down. Please try some self-soothing and let me know how you go. We've got you, remember that. @creative_writer @tyme 💕

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I am feeling a bit better, still a bit uneasy. I think I am processing a lot, it's a combination of different traumas. It's developmental trauma (attachment, enmeshment, being emotionally parentified, bullying at school, growing up with a parent with mental health struggles), SA, and there is anger towards extended family tension. I have been cut off from part of my extended relative due to complications. I never got to know my uncle or cousins because of the spouse he chose. Maybe I sort of blame his spouse for his early death. Toxic people don't extend people's lives. Sometimes you have to cut off toxic branches to prevent the poison from spreading

[creative_writer]

I'm trying to figure out what to do, I feel like there is so much I can't talk about because it is hard to be totally transparent. I've been more transparent with a previous psych and it didn't end well, and I ended up feeling invalidated and second guessing my reactions as overreactions. Probably wasn't her intention, I probably should know the correct emotions in different circumstances, but I don't, maybe I am too ASD.

I also only have two more medicare rebated sessions for psych sessions, another reason not to dive into it too much. Maybe I need to lean into something else besides therapy

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer I think it's very understandable to having these considerations given that you might only be having one more session with this psychologist. Do you think you might see them again in the future at all? 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been made to feel that your reactions weren't correct or were overreactions in the past. Has your current psychologist ever made you feel that way, or have you been a bit more guarded to protect yourself from being in that situation again?

Maybe leaning into something other than therapy would be good, do you have anything you're interested in trying or looking into?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I might see this psych again next year. My current psych hasn't made me feel this way, but I have been more guarded this time. There are lots of reasons, it is hard to explain it all.

I've been looking at broadening my network. I do think I need to somehow manage the physical symptoms in order to fully immerse myself in more events, and even hobbies. I've been doing lots of tests, and will be trying to nutrition-exercise route, they just need to get my bloodwork. Ideally I want to be able to get to a place where I am able to work, socialise and engage in hobbies. I will still continue with the psychiatrist, still trying to figure out what to do able these stubborn ADHD symptoms. These symptoms make it hard to function and sap so much energy, I burnt out during uni and placement