Lived Experience Forum

[Bow]

Hey @saltandpepper  ive not read all your posts but enough to know that what you are currently dealing with in regards to your ex is shitty. I've been there unfortunately and it sucks so very much. I've done mediation. It sucks so much. Having to listen to them. It's sucks. Even being stuck in the same room sitting opposite then. It sucks. I don't know your story, happy to listen if it will help. 
I know how soul destroying having a relationship end can be. I don't know what else to say but I get it. I feel and know the anger and hurt. It's been 4 yrs for me and I still feel so broken. We've done mediation twice. I still hate him so much. I see him twice a fortnight and hate the anxiety that rises in me in the lead up. I'd like to say it gets easier with time, maybe it has a tiny bit... but I don't know. 

[Anastasia]

Hand on heart it does @Bow 

I was the same age as @saltandpepper 

So 20 years nearly ago.

In the beginning it's brutal but time heals, I promise xox

[saltandpepper]

Thanks @Bow I can not imagine any kind of scenario where I will willingly partake in mediation. There's nothing beneficial there for me. My ex seems to think we need to be friends "for the sake of our son". I don't see it. I just want us to keep from ripping each others heads off in front of him, that's all. I don't want friendship, I don't wanna talk, I don't want messages with little reminders of how things used to be. It's just so fu*ked up. The way she gets on you'd think I was the one that left. There is absolutely no need to go throwing out the mediation shit, we're not getting back together, ever. There's nothing else to work out. It's like any time I get pissed off now it's straight to the "mediation" bullshit. Well guess what? I'm pissed off! And it's taken months for it to finally sink in. I am allowed to be pissed off about it all, what you did was shit, what you keep doing is shit. So just go fu*k yourself.

ugh.

none of that👆is directed at you @Bow just to clarify.

@Sphinxly this is how I'm doing👆Just fu*king loving it mate

[Anastasia]

Its narcissistic behaviour on her part @saltandpepper. I totally agree with your stance on the matter. Sorry she's playing head games with you.

[Bow]

Oh I get that @saltandpepper ! My ex initiated mediation. I didn't want to talk to him, I'd much prefer he piss off with the guys that he got on with while we were married. But I did mediation for our daughter. I had to accept that he was unfortunately going to have to be part of my life cause he was in my daughters life. All we talked about was her, what contact was going to look like going forward and we briefly sorted out finances out. We did not talk about our relationship, that was long gone. 
how long has it been for you? Do you need to sort matters out regarding your son? Mediation can be a starting point and it's best to try so that you don't end up in court.., I wanted to avoid court at all costs. 
feel your pain @saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

I really don't know wtf is going on @Bow we sorted out who will have our boy and when and all that kind of shit. It just feels like a threat to me. I have a history of anger issues, but not now, not for years. It feels like I'm being scolded for being angry. But I don't know. I don't know what's going on. My ex has said many times since leaving about us working things out. So maybe it's a way to work that in through mediation? I DONT WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER

[Bow]

@saltandpepper Would it hurt to Start the mediation process so you can find out what she is wanting? They should be able to tell you, should be a phone call or 2. If it's to try and work things out then you can let them know that you are not interested and have peace of mind that you have done what you needed. I don't blame you that you dont want to get back together. 
if for some reason it is child related and you refuse to participate in mediation she can get the golden ticket straight to court which can look bad on you. 

[saltandpepper]

Probably going to shoot myself in the foot here ey @Bow but nah, I'm not going to be forced into mediation bullshit. I don't know for sure, but I feel like I won't end up in court, maybe. I don't know. I guess anything can happen. It's just I haven't had a fu*king say in any of this. It's all just happened and I've had to just roll with the punches. I'm done. I don't want to do anything else. Done.

[Bow]

Fair enough @saltandpepper