Lived Experience Forum

[tonys]

So good to hear the song of the night owl again.  You sound so good @Owlunar .

The Moon.    Millions of people,  there stories on hold as the are held in the spell of the moon.

For a brief moment,  rich and poor share a commonality.

I live on a farm some where out there.  Clear cold winter nights have me either chasing shooting stars or watching sparks as I poke the coals.  They rise like anti air craft flack, chasing the circling moths.     Are all those we held so close,  gazing back at us from the cosmos.

Some nights are so clear,  I gently take a star and let it dance and glow in the palm of my hand,

then restore it to its rightful place,

Ghost cars and mannequins.   Thankyou for allowing me a little latitude to escape the boundaries of the cubes.   I  like to run a rampant now and then and have few hiding places on this site to do so.

We don't need rocket ships to escape do we,   Just draw the drapes,  Flick the fuse box,  and leap into the black orb in the depths of our minds.

Spider webs. . .   I see three kinds.  the first.   those that are crewed.   Diamond drops of dew catch the morning rays and fishermen busily wrap the catch of the day.

The second,  are the abandoned webs that hang heavy with dust and neglected memories, 

Abandoned rigging on forgotten ghost ships.

The third. . .   the endless tangles we weave from one corner of our mind to the other.  I like to think we are observed through the eyes of insects by a life form in transit and I like all three kinds of webs.

The ecosystem in my home has established an equilibrium.  That I'm allowed to dwell there is a privilege.   A view not shared by my perturbed book keeper.

We lay, ear pressed to the clover,  time to enjoy the luxury.   The sound of a multitude of legs and mandibles,   the web of life.    I guess the time constrained cleaners are deprived of this  joy.

Cobwebs and disorder to one.   A thing of beauty to another.

I can see you smiling as hands busy themselves, breathing life and restoration all about you.

Consuming chaos ,  secreting order.   And you, humming with the expectation of reunion,  lazy lunches, and the promise of laughter friends and family.    What joy.  the things I love to read.  

I have a second part of this letter to send a little later,  if that is O k.  Checking my yabby nets and farm duties.

Till then Owlunar.         tonys   moon base one         

[tonys]

Hello again  @Owlunar .   Very sorry I had to come back and finish my letter to you.  Its been such a busy day.  with surprises around every corner.  I do hope you are enjoying all the treats of the day.

Now where was I.  cleaning lady, cobwebs,   the moon.

I must admit,  I have reluctantly enlisted the services of a cleaning lady myself. Surrendering to help can be a barrier for some.    As for me,   it took zero time to warm to the feeling of someone fussing about the house,  in full nesting mode.   Between this motherly lady and my book keeper,   I'm in butter.  I even like the way they boss me around a little,     Must be stand ins for the mother I never had.   Who cares,  Ive waited years for a bit off fussing over, and I unashamedly love it.    And the timing could not be better.

I'm in the peak of harvest,  Busy hands in the fields.  Bins of plump ripe tomatoes,  snow peas all finished and a hungry hoard of chooks and pigs squabbling over  lord knows what in the freshly hoed paddock.

The tractor knows the well worn track to the packing shed, so most of me snoozes at the idling wheel.

Then the best part.     End of the day under the magnificent magnolia tree.  Sharing banter, wine and banquet with the workers.  Sun surrenders to the bonfire and out comes the guitar.

The twilight of a long farming life,    but what a life.   Winter will come,  It will get lonely again but thats the balance that keeps joy all the  more real.

I wanted to tell you about my stay at Hampton rehab   in Melbourne and a chance to get to know an angel who played piano there after her car accident,  Your story has rekindled such powerful memories of this person, but I don't want to abuse your patience, and her memory deserves thoughtful words for another day.

I am glad you still practice your gifts, and your ear is so keenly tuned to the sounds of the world and the nature of all things.

I sip my wine as I write,  and thanks to you my glass is still full.

I hope we meet again in the new worlds you'll discover in your magical optical instrument.

Oh.  .  .  a night owl just eclipsed the face of the moon

Stay safe,    warm thoughts your way. .       tonys moon base 1

[Owlunar]

@tonys 

Hi Tony on Moon Base One

I really enjoy your writing - it is unique - you have opened my eyes and soul to a different way of seeing and looking - it's wonderful. I have even been trying "stream of consciousness" writing - something I have never tried before.

And I see you have been reading more of my story on the website - I am happy about this - you know more about my life and its mixture of events all of which have added together to enrich me - even the hard parts - especially the hard parts.

I read a lot - the lockdowns in Melbourne which were record-breaking - no great honour of course - I will remember this time has my great novel-fest - and I am still reading. 

The last two weeks have been very busy for me - my granddaughter was in Melbourne for a wedding - she visited me - we went to the local coffee shop for lunch - it was so wonderful to see her again - the last time was before the pandemic - four years ago now - she is a very mature young woman. She has a really genuine partner - they have a rescued greyhound who loves unwrapping Christmas presents - always soft toys - and when he gets them out he runs straight off to hide them in his bed - I have seen this on Facetime each Christmas Day. I am really happy for my granddaughter and hope to visit her later this year.

I had a cat for 15 years - she had to go to the Cat Heaven a few years ago - since then I have had unwelcome visitors in my roof - rodents - that is rats - sharpening their teeth on the woodwork - not good. I have a friendly pest exterminator who gets into my roof and leave the pests something else to eat and this is toxic and works. 

My cleaning lady had arrived first - I had already moved all the stuff - mop, broom, bucket etc out of the laundry so the man would be able to climb through the manhole. My cleaning lady stripped my bed and then I found she had put the bedding on top of the washing machine - oh dear and put everything else back in the laundry - all before the man climbed up there.  I have to laugh at this. That's life. She is a wonderful person and a great cleaner but - oh dear .

After all of this and more - I had another procedure on my shoulder earlier in the week - I decided to take it easy today - we had very hot weather in Melbourne with a cool change late in the day - so we had a cooler day today - the change was really dramatic - huge clouds and heavy rain that I could see in the sky but didn't fall here - all this glorious streakiness in the sky - it might have been large hail but that was all I saw of it.

I'm glad you have a cleaning lady - taking care of you - you never had a mother - that's not easy - not a happy thought. I am sorry about that. I'm glad you have someone now though - bossing you about - I can imagine. Certainly -  enjoy it - everyone needs someone to care about them in gentle ways - it sounds wonderful.

Snow peas and luscious tomatoes - a brilliant harvest - I have been on farms as a visitor but never lived there - certainly never worked there.  I did stay with friends on a cattle farm when I was younger - I went for a walk in the afternoon - and the cows are so interesting and interested in me too. I stood and stared at them for a while then walked back to the farmhouse - and - behind me all the cows - they'd followed me - how could I put them back?

The farmer laughed - they had to come in for milking anyway - they were just a bit early that's all - well - I didn't even know they would follow me. I have more stories like that one.

Oh dear - I had written more but must have timed out - I will re-write the next time I write - I'm really glad this much was saved

Owlunar

[tonys]

hello @Owlunar  So good to hear from you.  I do hope you are well, and I know already how busy you are,  so I gave you space till I heard from you.   Life flows through our hands so fast.

We shape and mould the legacy  and it is for others to judge.

Yes I spoke with the ghosts in some of your posts.  Interactions and revelations.   The bread and butter of an old autistic farmer.  I t   is hard to know where to plant a cross and let my blood on it.

Found a place called motion new pathways air sea and land.  Needs abbreviations and have been writing there for the last few days.  Finally paid respect to ,  Jay,  The first friend I lost in my street kid years,   and it stayed afloat ,    a first for me on sane.  It was a tough read folks tell me,   so thanks sane...   

Half my life living rough on the streets means red paint is on special all too often in the art store.

But you rekindled a spark in me.   Now I throw open the windows,  watch all of Rome burn and  write by the flickering light.         You  know  how  it  is.  .  .  .

I'm standing in an exclusive city store.  Thick snow white woollen carpets,  thats all they sell.

I'm  holding a huge plastic bin liner brim full of offal,  the worst of the meat works.

and the bag , . . . you know em cheap thin engineering failures on a collision coarse with a failing fight with compulsion.

Nails dig in,  I rip that bag wide open.  Wiping my hands on my shirt,  I see the bleached white paper on the lap top.   Compelled to defile its innocence with my bloodied hands.  I hit post and hope one person out there will feel that page before its dismissed.

Where do you hide on sane with all these bags. 

I love to chat but once in a while I like to speak.

And my lost love. . . .    My one and only city of angels.   Will I ever be good enough to find the words she deserves. .  

Thankyou for your very kind words.    true expression isn't always roses,   is it

I do hope you will give me another opportunity to dance in the whirlwind of words again.

The safe door has never been my first choice,  but I will reply to your letter without the balloons made of lead and give you all the good news .

Please.   easy on the shoulder,   and I would love to hear about movies and directors that left a mark on you.

Very best wishes. . .         tonys  moon base one

[tonys]

@  hello again  @Owlunar    I hope this part 2 of yesterdays letter find you dancing on top of the clouds.   You do come from a rich history and wealth of experience and I imagine this is what helped you through the Incarceration of the lockdowns.   There was much conflict and  consternation,  over lockdowns in our small town. I just used to say to them,   welcome to my world,   and thought to myself,  we forget just how lucky we are,   but try selling that view to the average joe in the street.

I do see how,  for folk with close family and friends,  It must have been beyond terrible.

Its a paradox.  The  things that damage us in life may just provide the best defence when darkest storm arrives,  Covid and Ukraine  show us just how thin our glass windows are.  It is just as well folk are oblivious to the fact the we are just one red button away.  Ahhh what do I know.  

It warms my heart to read about your world of books,  music and movies.   I was lucky to have people in my life that would read to me before I finally learnt,  but I'm mostly a visual person.

A movie tragic..   I will  often freeze a frame to closely  enjoy  the camera work as a painting. And rewind the brilliant acting snippets  to re admire.  I have a rear projector and walls of movies.

The ones I admire often are not the ones I  just watch for entertainment.  I watch them to be In awe. . I like to be deeply affected,  sliced to the bone,   A mark left upon me.  Real art can't be observed without it shaping us in some way.

I am sure your family are something special,  They had your guiding hands and I respect maturity,

an elusive firefly I am still in pursuit of.   Parts of my brain stopped developing in childhood.

and I do have learning difficulties,   But I take the choice cuts of this meat and enjoy the unexpected benefits.

I hope my first letter isn't on the cutting room floor or this one won't be be in sync.

Did you have to have a general anaesthetic for your shoulder.   ?

I will cut and print  now   . . .and hopefully  have a good  old fashioned in depth chat about movies one day.  .   .  . .    and  books

Thankyou again for giving me an opportunity to write to you.   very best wishes.  tonys mb  1