Lived Experience Forum

[BPDSurvivor]

@Peonies @TideisTurning @Daisydreamer 

I personally know 9 people who are waiting to return to India (they came for a visit last year and have not been able to return due to COVID). In a way, it's good they are in Australia away from COVID, however, their very own family members have died and they cannot pay their last respects in person. This is taking a huge mental toll on them. They can only sit back in Australia and watch the devastation in India.

Then, there are the 8000 or so Australians who are still trapped in India who cannot get flights back. Our heart goes out to them too.

BPDSurvivor

[Peonies]

Hi @BPDSurvivor @Appleblossom @Former-Member @TideisTurning @Daisydreamer @Mazarita 
and others reading along!

Just wanted to let you know that we will be having a morning tea chat to celebrate World Refugee Day this Friday 18th June 2021 - 11am to 11:30am AEST 🎉 

If you can make it, we would love to see some of you there!  

[NanaSane]

Hi there,

After reading the topic, I decided to share a small part of my experience being an Australian born here, lived overseas, and got back here when I was 40 yrs.

I was blessed that my parents decided to immigrate to AUS before my birth, so I was lucky to be born a citizen. However, they decided to go back to Macedonia and the majority of my life I spent there.

Long story short, I have been living here for 13 years now, BUT I never felt "accepted" in this society.

It is the "accent" when I speak English, at work, at the shops, in the streets.... I don't get the same chance when applying for a job, or when I get one. It's always the "accent" THEY don't like.

[Spirit_Healer]

Hello, @BPDSurvivor , nice to get to know a bit more of you with each post I read of yours here,

I understand the blessing and curse of being an East Asian person, my family would rather push mental health issues under the carpet than acknowledge them. I have a cousin who has similar diagnosis to me, and I am not even allowed to talk about it with my family, for 'face' sake.

Face-saving culture is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in that our reputations are preserved, but a curse in that it discourages help-seeking.

And I agree with you, having just had R U OK day recently, the first step to recovery is to admit that you are not okay - and isn't it pertinent that this step comes after denial? Denial is the first stage of grief, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD.

Thank you to this community for giving our CALD (culturally and linguistically diverse) communities a voice on this forum!

Let's continue the conversation...it is definitely one worth listening to and hearing!

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you for posting @Spirit_Healer !

Looking into the Stages of Grief, do you believe it is universal? Or do you think this particular understanding of grief is a 'Westernised' understanding? This is the first time I have considered it in this light, but I think it is an important one when working to empathise with people.

To this day, I don't talk to my family about mental health - it's still taboo. However, I cannot say they will NOT listen because I have never tried talking to them about it.

As I learn more about myself and people in general, I don't think I focus so much on reputation anymore. In the past, when reputation was everything, I felt trapped. Having felt freedom, why go back to feeling bound by tradition and reputation?

Look forward to hearing from you @Spirit_Healer !

Hi @NanaSane @Peonies @Appleblossom  and all those passing through.

[Spirit_Healer]

Thank you, @BPDSurvivor for your message!

That is a really good question...I'm by no means an expert. To answer your question, I did a little more research and found an alternative model with 7 stages:
From Healthline:

• "Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings.
• Pain and guilt. You may feel that the loss is unbearable and that you’re making other people’s lives harder because of your feelings and needs.
• Anger and bargaining. You may lash out, telling God or a higher power that you’ll do anything they ask if they’ll only grant you relief from these feelings.
• Depression. This may be a period of isolation and loneliness during which you process and reflect on the loss.
• The upward turn. At this point, the stages of grief like anger and pain have died down, and you’re left in a more calm and relaxed state.
• Reconstruction and working through. You can begin to put pieces of your life back together and carry forward.
• Acceptance and hope. This is a very gradual acceptance of the new way of life and a feeling of possibility in the future."
  
  This model is more positive as it also encompasses the 'healing' aspect of grief.
  
  So to answer your question, I personally think the researchers in question have tried to make their stages as universal as possible, but given that they're Westerners, I wouldn't discount your idea that these might be 'Westernised' models of grief. However, these researchers also qualify their findings by saying that people may experience these stages in different orders, or straddle more than one at any one point in their journeys.
  
  In terms of discussing mental health with your family, I think it is important to almost 'drip-feed' them with whatever you sense they can cope with at the time, so as not to overwhelm them but also to let them see how they can better support you and your needs. Otherwise, it can be very lonely to be a member of your family - I know that for myself, sometimes I get reactions of anger or blame from my family members, but I am starting to understand that this reflects more on their stage in the grief journey, ie, denial, than it does on my mental health issues, per se.
  
  Reputation is important to me, personally, as far as it pertains to my career and friendships, but I will not allow it to silence me totally. I'm still navigating this space, and as I mentioned earlier today, it can be such a fine line between seeking help and oversharing. Safety first.
  
  Back to your first point: empathy. If you come from a perspective of trying to understand the other, while simultaneously holding the thought that no two people experience an event the same way, you have already come a long way! Detached curiosity into how the other person is feeling will help with empathy, too.

I'm guessing I'm actually younger and less experienced in life than you, but I draw on the wisdom of those before me to decide how to approach my mental health and life in general. Hope some of what I've said makes sense!

[BPDSurvivor]

I appreciate your thoughts on this @Spirit_Healer  - it certainly is very interesting. 

I work amongst mostly CALD families. With experience, I've noticed so many differences when it comes to accepting grief, yet there are also many similarities. When I was at school as a child, I was one of two non-Australian students. Now, it is rare to find 'Australian' students in any of the classess I teach. Hence there is more of a need to be culturally aware of the needs of CALD families.

I'm in my 30s. For me, age is about experience rather than the number. I am continually learning and have a strong love to learn about different cultures. I attended a professional development on Strategies to Support ATSI peoples. I learnt so much about their culture, and the importance of nature and Country to our First Nations People. I long to move amongst ATSI people so as to learn from them. In the past, I read a book called 'Black Emu' by Bruce Pascoe which explains the immense knowledge and connection First Nations people have within the land they live on. Such an eye-opener.

Travelling to countries such as China, India, Hong Kong, Vietnam etc, has also been an amazing learning experience.

In terms of drip-feeding mental health issues to my family, it will take a while since I don't live with them - we are in different states and don't talk too often. This is a work in progress!

Looking to hear from you,

BPDSurvivor

[Spirit_Healer]

@BPDSurvivor 中秋节快乐！(Translation: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival) for last night!

My work at the moment is the opposite: I work with young people mainly from a white background...there are the occasional minority groups, but these are the exception, not the norm. I miss the cultural diversity where I have worked in the past, and am gravitating back towards these groups. (ie I am job-searching as we speak.)

I admire you for your efforts in getting to know First Nations people...we still have so far to go as a nation and as individuals, and it's the little things in our interactions with these marginalised groups that can make all the difference. Such as an understanding of concepts such as: connection to country, women's vs men's business, sorry business, etc.

My parents inadvertently sheltered me by taking me to English-speaking countries on our initial travels, but now I say proudly say that I have visited more CALD communities and countries such as Japan, Malaysia and Singapore. And I have visited my ethnic homeland of China, once as well. This was at times disturbing, as I was exposed to how 'backwards-thinking' my relatives are when it comes to 'face' and mental- and physical- health taboos. And the 重男轻女 (weighty-male-light-female) culture was still very much a part of their thinking: they openly praised my brother much more than me, to the point where my (more progressive) mother was quite upset and offended.

It is good to hear that you consider your relationship with your family as a 'work in progress'; this shows that you are willing to change how you interact with them, even if you may feel that they might not be ready. As I alluded to in my last post: safety first, and now I will also add: baby steps. Consider every (small) step forward as a bonus, and you will get there, slowly but surely.

[Shaz51]

Hello @sagilove95 , @amber22 , @Prosperity , @TideisTurning , @OscarJones 

Had a great chat on Topic Tuesday// Home Away From Home// Tuesday 28th February 2023 5:30-7PM AEDTAEDT which you can read only now but is good. 

@Spirit_Healer , @BPDSurvivor , @NanaSane , @Peonies , @Appleblossom 

[Spirit_Healer]

@BPDSurvivor , it's been a while since I've been on here, how have you been?

I've been so busy with managing my own recovery, I'm pleased to say it's going well. This year I've started a new job at a more culturally and linguistically diverse setting, and I'm feeling much more comfortable here.

Hope to hear from you soon!