Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

-

[Former-Member]

-

[Former-Member]

Hey @Former-Member just give me a few mins to answer just dealing with pop atm but i will reply ❤

[Former-Member]

Oh @Former-Member - that sounds like a seriously tricky situation to navigate for anyone, let alone someone who questions social interactions. I know that for me, anxiety can make my head feel like it's spinning around, trying to find answers and sometimes I realise that the answers I am looking for, are to questions that kind of weren't even there. Like in this situation, maybe Abe has her own things going on and you haven't actually done anything wrong at all? I am not saying this is the case, because I guess only Abe is really able to know what's happening, but maybe there is a chance this is it.

I also know that for me too, anxiety is the fear of not knowing, and I can really relate to how it might seem better to at least know what's going on so you can deal with it. I agree that maybe this is a good approach to take. However, I also know that communication is seriously hard when anxiety is in full swing for me and that trying to engage in an important discussion while my emotions are running high, tends not to work out very well at all. 

So all I can suggest is that you try and work on things to bring these emotions down before you deal with the situation, and maybe then start with an open mind. I would probably try to start the conversation with something like - Hi Abe, just wondering if there is anything going on for you at the moment that you'd like to talk to me about because I am feeling like maybe something is up. Just the way I would approach it though and this could be way off for you. 

What can you do today that might help bring those feelings back to a more manageable level?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member .... 

Thanks for the call-out .... ❣

Just as an overview, it sounds like you can't depend on receiving the money offered, and someone (Abe) has got her knickers in a twist over it somehow, in a way that doesn't need to concern you, as it wasn't offered by her in the first place.

When you have contact with Abe's sibling, mention again your offer to go for a walk together, and perhaps throw in there, without any connotation at all, that you had made the offer to Abe alreadycemr m mmmmm .... so when they think they might have time, you would be pleased to go with them.

That way some clarity might happen .... Abe's sibling might say something that gives a clue as to why Abe is put out, but apart from that, they are not embracing you warmly enough to be anything other than acquantences to you.  This means more formal and less personal interaction is expected.

Having had in-law trouble for many years, I quickly realised that good manners are hard to argue against, and as such, they make a very good shield.  You can walk through many difficult dpsotuations by firmly remaining polite and courteous, and quiet .... not adding anything into the conversation or socialising more that you can help.  Offer them respect and courtesy, but nothing more, because it seems clear that the relationship can't sustain more than that.  If something changes, you can r-think your stance.

Choose warmer, more open people to socialise with instead.  That will be far more rewarding.

❤️

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member,

For whatever reason, the behavour of Abe suggests that the financial help that was offered is just not going to eventuate. These people don't seem to be helpful at all to your life really. Even just the amount of anxiety you have experienced in relation to this situation indicates this. I might suggest 'cutting them loose' yourself. Not necessarily to have no contact whatsoever. But I'd be inclined to really let them go in my mind and wait for any further contact from them before giving any further response at all. I agree with @Faith-and-Hope that it would be better to give your energy to other people, whose presence in your life does not lead to so much grief. Kind wishes.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member
Im having alot of trouble with family as well. Im like the black sheep in a white herd type of thing and am expected to do a great deal of things so i get all those feelings that your experiencing as well such as the what have i done wrong dissapointment hated all those things.

My anxiety gets the same as yours where all i want to do is ring them but best to make sure youve git all your feelings under control first.

It seems to me that they offerred you the help without thinking you would say yes but rather to make them 'feel' like they were trying to help you but was hoping you were going to say no.

Youve done nothing wrong at all @Former-Member. If they weren't prepared to help then they shouldn't have offerred.

Have you considered doing like a weekly or forrnightly budget plan by any chance?

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member Really hard one.  It is possible, though perhaps not probable, Abe's let's call it abruptness with you is born more from guilt inside her.  Why this guilt? Well pure conjecture of course but maybe someone has said something to her against giving you the money and she now feels that guilt whenever you are around.  Knowing she offered it, but I think wrongly going along with another influence.

Now this is pure speculation, but human nature can react in this way and could explain her current reaction to you.  I know it seems like you feel you cannot broach the subject with her, but is there any way you could softly softly explain that you would have appreciated the money but she is under no obligation to lend it to you, and if she has changed her mind that is quite ok.

Then  she might hear your understanding and take it as an opportunity to explain what happened  and you might get the explanation you are needing.

just an idea for you to think about.  You know your situation better than I, obviously.

[utopia]

@Former-Member. I can imagine (from my own financial struggles) how wonderful that offer of financial help made you feel. Our financial worries can certainly bring our moids tumbling down & then create a lot of negative self talk.
For whatever reason - & you may never know why - the offer of financial help seems to no longer be offered.
Abe did say "not this month". So when was it offered? How long ago?
You may like to call them up after "not this month" & see if they would like to go out for an afternoon walk with you. But only call them if you can be certain you won't mention the money.
Unfortunately, sometimes people make an offer & then regret doing so. This could be the case here.
And it's not very fair to you. As I can imagine how you were already planning on using the money. I'm sorry.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member, Wow, that sounds like a really difficult situation. I would have no idea how to interpret that one! However, on the bright side, reading through the responses you have received from other people, it sounds like this would be a tricky situation for ANYBODY - not just for those of us that struggle with social stuff.

I hate anything to do with money. Money seems to be a problem for those that do have it and those that don't have it. I hate how our whole society revolves around money.