Lived Experience Forum

[JB1680]

I have suffered from depression for the past 3 years, recently my marriage broke down -- he was unfaithful.

it has been 1 month on and I cannot help these extremely dark, depressive thoughts. I feel so worthless, and so alone... I am trying to stay strong and optimistic for my children although every day is a struggle.

i just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel

[Lemonjuice]

@JB1680 The wounds are still very fresh it sounds like. Give your senses a chance to recover by looking after your body at this time, eat well, drink enough water and try to get as much sleep as possible. Be gentle on yourself as well. Whatever is to come, you need to be physically, emotionally and mentally strong, so while you might not be able to get rid of the negative or painful thoughts, try to add some positive thoughts and feelings to your day. It doesn't have to be complicated...feeling the grass under your feet, noticing colours in nature, etc.

I'm sorry that you have been hurt like this. It's never fair to have someone you love betray you. You deserve better. Please stay strong and keep writing...there's usually someone around here to talk with.

[Owlunar]

Aw @JB1680

I am sorry - it is really hard - whatever the reason whenever a marriage ends all sorts of bad and hard feelings surface and it will be hard to get past all of this

The first thing to know and remember is that it's natural - and not at all easy - I have been through it though my ex was not unfaithful - I think after all these years that our marriage was really sad and we were not suited emotionally

But still - what I found and I think it might be true of most marriage breakdowns is that angry and bitter emotions surface through the process of separation, divorce and property settlement - I kept a journal at the time and kept my feelings there mostly - 

But you have children - what do you do about them - trying to stay optimistic for them - yes - I understand - there is the question of what to say to them and what not to say

Children are not capable of really understand the adult side of a breakdown but they need to be told something and reassured that none of it has been caused by them - hard I know - you feel torn apart and torn down - what to say?

I think telling them you and Daddy are sad because your marriage has ended but it has to be and it's not their fault - 

But I am sorry - I can't know how you feel of course but I know it is really difficult and in my case it was me who ended the marriage - 

I wish you the best - knowing this will be a strange time for you and what can the best be and I want to welcome you to the Forum Family too

That light at the end of the tunnel - it might be some way off alas - infidelity must hurt so much - I can't imagine that

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @JB1680 

Welcome to the forums, am glad you have shared here. I'm sorry to hear that your ex was unfaithful and that you are going through a break down in your marriage, on top of already having the depression. I am a single mum and went through/going through a difficult divorce... I have two children and it can be so hard on them to understand. Their questions really only started after they started to see their dad again and its very difficult at times to be 'ok' and strong for them when all you want to do is curl up in the corner and not exist for a while... But my kids also keep me going a lot too and force me to be as ok as i can be... I'm sure you will find a lot of support here and understanding. One day at a time as you go through this and keep seeking support... Hope to continue seeing you around the forums too,

Take care

[Former-Member]

When someone betrays our love and trust it is like a dagger put straight through the heart.......the grief and emotional pain great, leaving us feeling not valued and abandoned. That's in the beginning until in time we find our inner strength and worth again realising that we are better off without those who were not loyal, without those who did not acknowledge our worth, without those whom left us in our darkest moments whom were not worthy of our love in the good times; better off without those who did not treat us as we deserve and that we actually deserve better - Indignation sets in and in time we seek out a life with others and engage in activities where we do feel valued and happier in - when we are ready with baby steps - all in good time.  The light is waiting.

For now @JB1680 your grief and pain is raw - a normal reaction. Do you have anyone you can talk to that can help you through this? Whether that be family, friends or a psychologist? - as you need support right now. This is so important. As is looking after your health to remain strong and to help fight your depression. Be very kind to you, your well being and needs right now. In the meantime we are here if you ever want to talk further. We are here for you - you are not alone 🤗

What a wonderful and strong mum you are by staying strong and optimistic for your children when in such great pain. Shows the great capacity you have to love that the one whom failed you lacked. That is admirable. Let the real love you have between you and your children help ease your pain, help comfort each other and help heal your pain. The love of your children is the light shining keeping you warm in the dark. In that love you are not alone.

This grieving process is individual as we are, and in our time, but each new day will bring renewed hope and a new beginning bringing you with baby steps closer to better times. It will happen, but please get some good listeners with warm hearts to talk to and the right professional help now to help lighten your way forward out of the depression. 

[JB1680]

Thank you all. I am so appreciative of all your supportive and uplifting replies. 

I do have family surrounding me through this time, I don't open up, I don't talk about how I'm feeling, I feel very closed off. I will be seeking some professional help, I do need it. 

I am unaware of how to deal with these emotions, it's very hard to put into words, I know how my depression affects me, although this feels different, and the betrayal feels excruciating.

once again thank you all 

[frog]

@JB1680 I really feel for you. I've been through it too, and you're right it's excruciating. It may be the last thing on your mind, but self care is critical. If you can take small steps for your own wellbeing you'll slowly, slowly move forward. I'm not sure it's the kind of pain you 'get over', but it's been 4 years for me, and I'm in a better place. Take care.