Lived Experience Forum

[Lemonjuice]

There's a psych talk I want to go to on Friday night. Next week, I want to go for stats tutorials...every night for a week, in preparation for uni. I told my mother this morning that next week is going to be a busy week. She went pale and started to shake. She said to me...what if she needed to go to the doctor, she doesn't speak English. Lol, the tuts are at night time and my niece and nephew will be home. In her anxiety attack, she just started grabbing out at anything to convince me not to go. She has ruined my life. I don't hate her but love her and pity her. She's gone through so much trauma in her life that it's made her afraid of everything. Still though, it doesn't take away from the fact that my mother ruined my chance at life...set me up to have mental health issues...to be afraid of the world. Which is why I will be going to the events I have planned...I cannot let our fears get the better of us. Everytime I do this, it will get easier for her...she'll learn that I am not abandoning her.

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @Lemonjuice

Thank you for sharing your experience here on the SANE forum. The situation with your mother sounds incredibly hard.  On one hand, it sounds like you have compassion for her and love her; however, on the other hand, it sounds like you are somewhat bitter (understandably!) towards her for how she has affected your own mental health and at the same time feel that she is preventing you from leading the life you want to lead.

Although it can be a great help to be there for a loved one with mental illness, it is just as, or even more, important to care for you own mental health! I always think of the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask, before you put on your child's oxygen mask. Ultimately, how are you able to help someone else, if you are struggling to help yourself in the first place? For that reason, I think it is great that you are setting some boundaries and intend to go to the upcoming lectures and talks, without fear or guilt preventing you from doing these things you want to do. At the very least, you can rest with the fact that your niece and nephew will be home when you go to the tutes in the evenings. As you said below, I hope that things get easier for both you and that overtime she realises that you having your own Independence does not equate to you abandoning her.

In the meantime, you may like to have a read of the following article that articulates a similar situation: "coping with family" by @Ali585.

Please take care and reach out if you need!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Owlunar]

Hi @Lemonjuice

Mother issues - I certainly understand what you are writing about - I got away from home by getting married - a mistake but I think I would have been stuck there with my mother had I not escaped and my mother was consumed with fears I didn't understand 

So I can't know exactly how you feel I have had my own Mother Issues

How long has your mother lived in Australia? I know there are many people who never learn to speak English but frankly that amazes me - if I was even going to visit another country I would be learning tourists basics - and European languages - wow - never mind me though - I just like learning things

You really must do everything you can to live you own life and follow your ideas and dreams and study - knowledge is everything - it enables us to do more and more - I am so glad I studied everything I studies - it serves me well everyday and I wish you the best

But I also sense the despair of your mother doing her best to keep you prisoner in some way - I would never dream of crimping my daughter's life - I have her that life and it is hers and she has the freedom to live it how she chooses and I am really proud of her actually

But still - you have mother issues - I am so sorry - it is really hard but you really need to care for your own health - mental, physical, social, spiritual - 

All the best Lemonjuice - I am glad you are here sharing - you do bring up some interesting topics

Dec

[Lemonjuice]

Thanks.