Lived Experience Forum

[Rightomate]

Hi im having a bit of a hard time and am supposed to return to work though I am not sure I am ready.
Ive had depression anxiety for approximately 5 years. I had an episode seriously suicidal 3 months ago.
I've been trying to get right for work since and during the recovery process I had a TIA stroke warning. This required major surgery of the artery in my neck.
The op went well though I may be experiencing a form of self harm.

I told my Dr about it but said I only did it once. He said not to do it but I cant seem to stop. Advice please

[Former-Member]

Hi @Rightomate
Welcome to the forums, glad you have posted here. It sounds like you have been through a lot in the last few months with the surgery on top of the depression/anxiety. Would be hard to cope wtih. I'm glad you were able to talk to your dr about self harm and think it would probably still be a good idea to let them know that its not a one off thing or something that you feel safe with? I took a long time off of work after an attempt and getting quite unwell and i really pushed to go back to work but then was terrified that i couldnt do it and felt so conflicted constantly, however for me, probably just 'doing' and having the stability and necessity of being at work helps tokeep me going too... But we are all very different and different needs etc.
With SH stuff i find distraction and distraction seems to work some of the time. I watch netflix or play mundane games on facebook... being here helps to distract sometimes too, reading how others are going etc...
Hope you are ok, take care

[utopia]

@Rightomate - welcome.
Your serious episode was only 3 months ago. That's not a long time for recovery. You may need another month or two. And that's okay if you need more time.
I think it would be good to be as honest as you can be with your doctor about your self halm and self harm thoughts. Your doctor won't be able to help you if you're not honest with him/her.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Rightomate,

Welcome to Forum Land. 

How are you feeling today?

It sounds like you have had a super tough few months. There are quite a few people here in Forum Land who engage in SH (including me). SH can take many forms and is done for a variety of reasons. If it is a behaviour that you want to stop, I think it's important to identify the underlying reasons for why you engage in it. This tends to be helpful in then identifying alternative strategies for dealing with whatever those underlying reasons are. 

Simply telling someone not to engage in a form of SH does not sound hugely helpful to me. I'm wondering if you have a psychologist or a counsellor that you can speak to about the issue? 

[catgirl]

Hi @Rightomate ..im sorry you are feeling poorly ..you have been and are going through alot...be kind to yourself..it might be good to take some more revovery time before you go back to the pressures of working if thats at all possible...do you have an undetstanding employer? ...you have been through alot in a short space of time no wonder you dont feel all that great... in regards to the SH thoughts i can relate my phsyc organised for me to do DBT therapy which i have just started and hope it works for me so thay i dont engage in SH behaviours..i hope you have a good day
catgirl🐾

[Rightomate]

Thanks for the replies and while I did my weekend of work i found the time quite anxious and was happy to be leaving rather than arriving .
Terrible night sleep last night waking up in tears through the night. I am not planning on any more shifts for a while. Tomorrow I will discuss these things when I see my counselor.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Rightomate,

I hope you had a better night's sleep last night. Talking to your counsellor about these issues sounds like a great idea. I hope that goes well for you today.

[Rightomate]

Well I saw my counselor yesterday and shared some of whats going on. It appears that I am not coping with the stress of life and using the sh as a escape which makes sense. Now to change the behavior for which I have been given a cd tool which I am yet to listen to.. thats about aĺl for now. Rock on

[Dogman]

Hi @Rightomate,

Welcome to the forum

I'm @Dogman and I am hopeful that you you have the courage to continue to share with us, I have had chronic complex PTSD & Bipola 1 for along time now and have found that having a good support network in place was very emportant to me and altermately for my family. I see a Psychaitrist regularly and keep intouch with my Psychologist and my Doctor. It's a good way of learning and keeping some control of your mental health. The most emportant thing is to get a routine in which you are working on a healthier mental plan and work on having that support network behind you. It's something you need to do and to intergrate into your everyday life. We are all here to listen and to help if/when we can. I found it hard to open up to anyone to start with and coming onto the forum helped with that. I am glad you've connected with forum, never give up on your self