Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

As of late I've been getting an urgent sense to reclaim my life. I don't want Bipolar to be my identity. I'm more we are all more then that.

I want to start working full time again. For the last month I've been doing well with my bipolar for most part and have been under big stress. But I put in coping mechanisms, like going to bed at certain times and eating clean and planing every day out to a tee. I've also been planing Birthday party's and holidays and stuff. I feel planing really helps me.

Any way I am contracted for 38 hours but work 30ish a week but I want to go back to 38 because I want to start focusing on getting a promotion. I want to advance in my life. I feel ready for it but I am slightly on a high. Not huge just slight. My shopping addiction is under control lol. But I'm scared that if I do it I will crash and it will look bad against my name. Like the last 4 months I've been really fighting to show I'm good at my job and I have been getting extra responsibilities and a lot of team members need to get management approval to do stuff but they just let me use my own judgment. So I think that's a good sign.

I just want to keep my name in the good books. I'm thinking for the next few months doing one week 38 hours the second 30 and go from there. But I'm just nervous because i got no doctor, professional or medication to help me through this. Everything I do I do on my own.

Has anyone gone back to full time or just work after having time off? Does anyone got ways to make it better or what I should say to my boss? My work does know I got bipolar and are very supportive and if they see me a bit quiet are very loving towards me.

[Change123]

Hi @Former-Member

First of congratulations on an obviously great job you have done with yourself.

I also dont have doctors but on anxiety meds - my issues is bpd not bipolar so not sure if same but I am also a HR Manager.

You seem to be lucky to have very supportive bosses, I would take advantage of this and tell them something like " as you know I have bipolar, I'm feeling strong at the moment and would like to know if I can TRIAL doing 38 hours per week  and then then next do 30.40 and keep alternating for a while to gradullay build my hours up to a constant 38 hours per week".

When I was diagnosed with BPD or just before I actually had a wrong diagnosis and was being treated for something I didnt have, because of the medication effecting my congnitive abilities I ended up resigning from work as I was doing payroll and couldnt remember the most basic thing.  Once diagnosed correctly I came off the wrong meds which helped and was put on anxiety medication.  After 12 months I reentered the work force, it was extremely daunting, overwhelming but things got better day to day, it was just my anxiety making up stories in my head and my self confidence.  If I had anxiety attacks at work I would just go into the toilets but I coped pretty well with the work load etc.  Last year things really got worse for me and at work, my bpd was effecting both side of my life.  Even though I dont have a professional psychiatrist or pyscologist I asked if I could be Reviewed by a pyschiatrist to see if I was on the right medication (GP never monitored me) and the right dosage.  I only saw him for this one visit for the purpose of a review.  Infact I found out that I was very undermedicated for my anxiety and once we sorted that out I find I have come along way again.

I dont know if having a review would help you so you know your options but otherwise I too was all alone (no family or friends just my partner) and the only advice I can give is that I just kept going in the face of adversity and putting one foot in front of the other. Challenging ourselves is good too for our mental health, doing the 38 hours per week will give you more confidence and you just need to put some strategies in place for work. I unfortunately dont have supportive bosses/ owners  - long story but they like to play mind games to exert their power so its not a nice place to work at the moment but I'm stuck.

I think like I said above if you are open with your bipolar with the bosses just paint in a positive light that you are feeling stronger and want to challenge yourself more by extending the hours slowly. Dont say anything like " I want to go 38 hours but I'm scared I wont cope"  saying it in a negative way will make them think you are not capable of it but if you highlight that you are feeling strong in yourself they should recognise that as a good thing and keep supporting you to gradually build your hours. 

I hope this has helped a bit.

Good luck 

[Former-Member]

Thank you so much for the reply @Change123

How great is the bathroom for panic attacks. It's the room we can freak out and then recalm our self. I also have crippling anxiety. I generally can tell it to stop and ignore it as I know I'm breathing and ain't going to die. But when it gets to into my head hardcore all hell breaks lose. I do have somethings I can take for that and to stop me puking. Anxiety makes me physically ill. But with my Bipolar I'm on zilch. I was on a few meds but like you mentioned being on the wrong medication you couldn't function or the do the basic task. It's the worse feeling so I was like ever do I want to medicated to the point I'm a zombie that won't have major bipolar freak outs but literally can't do anything or do I want to be off meds risk the bipolar smashing me but feel like the world is open to me. So I went off the meds.

It's a bummer your work is not supportive. It really dose help when they are.

Yeah I'm thinking I'm just going to say I'm feeling in a strong place but so I want to slowly increase it. Hopefully I can do it.