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18 May 2025 07:20 AM
18 May 2025 07:20 AM
I'm heart broken. My 16yo daughter sat me down last night and it wasn't pretty what she had to say.
she basically said I've given up on life, I stopped taking care of myself, I'm not talking, I'm depressed, she is embarrassed by me and that I desperately need therapy.
and the worst thing is that she is right. I have given up on life, I'm depressed eventhough I'm manic at the moment, I have no joy in my life, I'm isolated and I find it very hard to communicate.
im heartbroken that it has impacted on her so much I thought I was better at hiding it than I obviously am.
I have been depressed for years and my bipolar is very hard to control. The ECT helps somewhat but I don't want it anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't find therapy helpful. But I'll go if that's gonna make her happy.
18 May 2025 07:54 AM - edited 18 May 2025 01:06 PM
18 May 2025 07:54 AM - edited 18 May 2025 01:06 PM
oops, removing a double post.
18 May 2025 08:21 AM
18 May 2025 08:21 AM
@snowflake231
Your daughter loves you.
She only wants you to be your best you.
Be your best you for her if no one else.
She deserves it.
18 May 2025 09:42 AM
18 May 2025 09:42 AM
Oh, @snowflake231, I’m so sorry.
I’m a mum too and both parenting and hiding how bad you feel day in and day out are HARD. Put them together and it’s like … a wicked problem, right?
When your kid has turned into an observant young person … you can’t know precisely what they’ll see in you as you’re in the midst of trying to live and parent and hide the awful and survive.
I so hope that your daughter has compassion for you in what she’s expressed.
i think it says a great deal about you that she feels safe to tell you how she feels about your health and also maybe her needs too.
I hear your disillusionment with therapy and that ECT isn’t for you now. And that you don’t feel like the therapy she’d like you to do would actually be any help at all maybe?
I’m sending you all the warmth I can. Please come back and talk about what you might do next - if that will help.
thank you for talking about this here.
18 May 2025 11:07 AM
18 May 2025 11:07 AM
That must be such a painful thing to hear, especially coming from your daughter. Feeling heartbroken feels like a reasonable response, not only to hearing that but bringing attention to the pain you've been experiencing. Teenagers though generally aren't good at expressing emotions calmly and there may be frustration and even anger in her words, but she obviously loves you a lot and is worried about you. Her words may express one thing, but i think that's just the inexperience and emotional challenges of being a teen. Like i said, she loves you and is just very worried about you. She sees the pain your are in, maybe feels helpless to help and while her words may have been harsh and it may act as a very painful wake up call. Clearly she wants to help and wants to see you feeling better.
So going back to the same therapy may not be that helpful if you really dont want to do it anymore. You deserve to find some support and therapy that actually works for you. And it shouldn't be just for your daughter, it should be for you as well. The best way you can help your daughter is to let her know that you're willing to try and find ways to help yourself. Ways that work for you. Part of her anger and frustration may be from her feeling that you have tried to hide things from her, maybe just talking to her and sharing how you're feeling will not only help her to understand but allow you both to find ways to support you. I know we like to try, but it's hard enough without trying to do these things alone.
Keep in mind that nothing is a one stop fix. I will take time and support. This talk with your daughter may be a turning point for you both. I've always tried to mask how i was feeling. I became very good at it over 50 years. But looking back now, it never helped me, just isolated me further and further. I still struggle a lot with it, but i'm far better now at admitting when i need help and being more open with people i trust. For me, that has been something that has allowed to finally feel like I can start some kind of healing process. By being more honest, with the people I care about, and myself, and letting people in. It's not about feeling like we've failed, more that we are struggling and we need help. Learning to be open about that and letting those close to use help is hard, and takes a lot of strength. You shown some of that by sharing with us here, so use that with your daughter as well.
It takes a lot to say that you know she is right. You say that you feel isolated and find it hard to communicate and finding joy in life. I know what that's like. But I don't see it as a sign of being broken at all! Just a sign that I had carried far too much for too long and tried to do it alone, or without much support. That wasn't my fault. I just needed to reach a point where I saw it and started to try and be kind to myself. It's still hard and it takes time but it does make things easier once a lot of that pressure is lifted by starting to share more and admitting that you're not okay.
You've shared here, and what your daughter said has clearly deeply affected you. You're still fighting. So there's some part of you that hasn't given up and is looking for connection. That is important and that matters, because you matter and your happiness matters. I've tried therapy for a few things (for the first time in my life) the past 18 months or so. The one lesson i've learnt is you have to find someone who understands what you're dealing with. Someone who doesn't just give you a quick fix and knows things take time, and is willing to listen and find out what works for us. So if you try again to find help and support for yourself, you could do it with your daughter, not for her. And you might find more success.
I know its not easy, and your daughters words must have been so incredibly difficult to hear. But try to see it as a turning point and a strong motivator to start making some positive changes.
Where do you start? You've already made a strong start by what you've shared with us here.
18 May 2025 01:17 PM
18 May 2025 01:17 PM
@ThagSimmons I know she loves me and is coming from a place of love. That's why it breaks my heart.
18 May 2025 01:34 PM - edited 18 May 2025 01:35 PM
18 May 2025 01:34 PM - edited 18 May 2025 01:35 PM
@Semly @MJG017 I will do anything. I don't want to be an embarrassment to her and I will do anything to get better. But I'm not sure what that everything is. I've tried psychologists but that didn't do much. I have bipolar 1 and I am heavily medicated. I was in a depressed cycle for the longest time that's why I had TMS and the dr played with my medication to try and bring me out of it. I could not function, I would just sit there staring into space couldn't talk, slept till 11:30am basically a vegetable. The dr put me on a new antidepressant and it helped somewhat. But it now put me into mania. I get up at 5am, do household chores, even have a shower which I was not able to do before. Unfortunately my communication eventhough improved is still nowhere near normal. I still don't see any of my friends or go out anywhere.
I am not sure that I am capable to be what she wants or needs me to be. I am just lost in this black hole and I'm not sure I can climb out.
18 May 2025 02:41 PM
18 May 2025 02:41 PM
My experience with psychologists is that you need to find the right one for you otherwise they're really not much help.
I don't feel like you're an embarrassment to your daughter, despite what she said. I think she's just so worried about you that it scares her. She's young and probably just doesn't really know how to handle the situation. Even if she doesn't see it now, I'm sure she will eventually appreciate how strong and brave you are fighting the challenges you are.
There are quite a few people here who also have bipolar and you may find it helpful to search for those discussions and see what advice or tips that can offer based on their own experience. If you're not sure how to find them, let me know and I can give some links. Id give some now, but I'm out and on my phone and it's much easier for me to do those things on my PC.
It definitely sounds like you're in an incredibly difficult place right now. I think it's only normal to feel like things will never change and you'll never be what you want to be for your daughter. But it just takes time and finding out what works best for you. You don't have to struggle through alone.
18 May 2025 03:37 PM
18 May 2025 03:37 PM
Its difficult as I'm unable to hold a conversation and that's why she is embarrassed by me. I try I really try but the words just don't come out.
also I just pretty much have given up. I don't care what happens to me, I don't seem to have many emotions it's all just surviving from one day to another. No life in it. I just feel blunted. I don't feel good but I don't feel bad either just nothing.
the only reason I want to change this is my daughters.
18 May 2025 04:16 PM
18 May 2025 04:16 PM
It's sounds so tough for you right now. I know it's hard to have any optimism or even just will to do more than get through each day. I know when I'm feeling like there's no hope, things just feel numb, and it's so hard to get out of that mindset.
Could you write what you're feeling down and give that to your daughter? Would that make it easier than saying it out loud?
If it's only for your daughter that you want to change, that's okay. Anything that helps you right now is so important to hang on to. Then in time you will hopefully start to feel better and that numbness disappears. For now, it's just important to focus on what you can do to try and start to feel better. Small steps as they say.
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