Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Who am I?

Lost in the forest of stigma
Lost in the reality of discrimination
Lost in my own mental health
Lost in a world I thought was mine

Who am I?

Slowly stripping away the trauma of the past
Slowly facing the demons I avoided
Slowly remembering more details
Slowly allowing the pain to enter

Who am I?

What kind of mum am I that cannot function?
What kind of wife am I that causes pain?
What kind of friend am I that cannot love?
What kind of person am I that is self centred?

Who am I?

Life is a precious gift, I only get one chance
Life is full of changes, I have changed
Life is full of pain, I have survived pain
Life is there to live it, I have lived it

Who am I?

The clouds of grey hide the blue sky
The fog in my mind makes it difficult to think
The storm in my head makes it feel impossible
The wind of change is picking up force

Who am I?

I am a survivor
I am a fighter

I am not the person who wants to jump
I am not the person who wants to leave

I am the Phoenix
I am the Butterfly

It might hurt to burn
It might hurt to transform

But I will

This is for the men who abused me as a child
This is for the people that fought a civil war
This is for everyone who discriminates me

I will live my life
I will find out who I am
I will count my blessings
I will be stronger than ever

I will be me.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member Absolutely beautiful and so powerful 

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Zoe7

I am angry with people that make us feel powerless. I am sitting in my bed and I am thinking about my life ahead. And I am angry. We are all fighters and we are fighting a battle inside our heads every day that no one acknowledges or shows respect for. The opposite is true. We get discriminated, we feel the stigma, we feel like we are wrong.

They are wrong.

[Zoe7]

Goodmorning to you too @Former-Member. You are spot on - they are wrong! We struggle every day to just 'survive' and the restrictions imposed upon us by those that do not understand even a small part of these struggles is from a complete lack of knowledge and/or a willingness to attain such. I often say to my colleagues in response to them commenting that people should just 'know certain things' that someone cannot know what they don't know - it is about education and transparency in these situations. I do believe in saying this however that the vast amount of people do not want to be 'educated' when it comes to these issue because it is too hard - they should imagine how hard it is for us actually living all this!!!!

[Zoe7]

Hey @Former-Member Just wanted to check in with you to see how you are! Thinking of you 

[utopia]

@Former-Member. Such beautiful words.
I'd love to see this published.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe7

The feeling didn't last. One day it will stick. I haven't written for many years, only started again recently after a PTSD vet showed me some of his work.

Thank you @utopia

[Zoe7]

It doesn't matter that the feeling didn't last @Former-Member - what matters is that you actually had the feeling in the first place - that is a huge positive  Now we look forward to the next good feeling and we start banking them as they come 

Keep writing Flower - it is truly beautiful.

Maybe you could write a few lines then I can and we can invite others to add to it as well - a 'community' piece of work would be awesome - what do you think?

Thinking of you 

Zoe

[Former-Member]

Sounds good @Zoe7 but I wouldn't know how to start it.

[Shaz51]

Beautiful words @Former-Member