Lived Experience Forum

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,
 
As you may or may not know, Ostara Australia is one of the Forums partners. We are very excited to have Ostara on board and that they are able to share their expertise and knowledge with the community. Every Friday @Debstar from Ostara will run a session from 10am ASDT – 4pm ASDT (on a topic regarding employment and the workplace.
 
Ostara Australia work with individuals, employers and the community to place people disadvantaged through age, health, disability or cultural background into sustainable employment. They deliver personalised employment services, while also working in collaboration with countless community and welfare organisations to help job seekers with any mental, cultural or emotional challenges.
 
I’m excited to announce our first Fab Friday session is 'Ways to maintain confidence and self esteem whilst job hunting’. The discussion will start at 10am ASDT and we will be joined by @Debstar from Ostara who will facilitate throughout the day, answering questions, asking questions and provide tips and resources.
 
Hope to see you here!

[Debstar]

Hi there,

I’m Debstar. I am very much looking forward to connecting with you on Fridays and chatting about work related topics. At Ostara, I work with clients with a range of mental health issues to help them build their confidence and skills so they can return to work.

One of the challenges of preparing to work is maintaining your confidence and self esteem while job hunting. And the longer it takes, the higher the chance of your self-esteem taking a significant blow. If you have been there, your most likely know what I am talking about.

Today I will share tips and ideas to help, and would really like to hear your thoughts and ideas too.

One thing that I always say to my clients (and for me when I was looking for work) was to accept that you have good and bad days. Everyone has bad days so don’t beat yourself up.  

Do you agree with this? What else can you do to maintain your confidence during this time?

[suzanne]

Hi @Debstar, it lovely to meet you yesterday and to have you here in the Forums.  Like you, I've worked with long-term unemployed and seen how crushing that experience can be.  Confidence seems to be strongly connected to motivation and when both are low, not much seems possible and very little changes.

I used to talk to my clients about getting involved in other activities that can provide them with a boost in self-esteem and confidence.  Courses, sports, volunteering....whatever gets them involved with others and gives them a chance to feel good about themselves.

Is that an approach you've taken too?

[Debstar]

Lovely to meet you too @suzanne.

Yes this a wonderful idea I  also suggest to my clients, and also did the same myself when looking for work. 

Finding other activities, volunteering etc..is a great way to boost confidence and self-esteem and remind you of your strenghts and postive aspects. And connecting with people can be a great way to feel better and provide a purpose or something to achieve. .  And can often be a great way to get out of the house and into a different enironment.

Courses can help take you in a new direction and help you identify new interests and things you enjoy, or work towards an area you would like to pursue.

And simply doing activities you enjoy, can be great and help you feel good. Could be painting, cooking, a sport as you suggested, or even spending time doing a short walk in a park or at the beach.

All of these things you mentioned really help to focus on the positive and give us something constructive to do.

Have you tried these techniques?  🙂 

[Jinseng]

Hi @Debstar

Hmmm... I graduated from uni last year, and I have been unemployed ever since. I was so happy to be done with studying, even though I was hesitant join the workforce right away... so I decided to take the summer off. That probably turned out to be a bad idea, as I pretty much just sat on the couch all summer playing playstation. Since then, I have been actively applying for jobs. It's been 7 months straight now, and still no bites. Nothin'. My friends keep telling me it's just a competitive field, but I can't help but feel like there is something wrong with me. I can definitely say it has affected my self-esteem, and it's a vicious cycle. As every month passes by, I feel more and more unconfident, and some days just leave me thinking, "Why bother?" I guess I'm really starting to question my ability. When I feel down about it, I usually talk to my friend (she's facing a similar situation) and that does help a bit. I suppose I feel like my life is kind of "on hold" right now, and it's frustrating.

[Debstar]

Hi @Jinseng, Thanks so much for so openly sharing. Firstly congratulations on graduating. That is certainly an achievement worth acknowledging.

Yeah I agree, it can be really frustrating applying for jobs especially when there are no bites, and for an extended period of time. And as you said, it’s so easy to start thinking that there is something wrong with you and get caught in the vicious cycle. You are not alone in thinking like this. So many people feel what you are feeling, it is so normal (I meet more of them every week). The truth is there is nothing wrong with you, it is just a tough process to go through. Great you have a friend you can talk to, that definitely helps. Another thing I recommend to my clients is to become aware of and challenge that voice in your head that tells you there is something wrong with you. I suggest talking to the negative voice when it puts you down. I would say things like this to it “thanks for sharing but it’s not true. I am ok, I am human, I am getting there, others in my situation eventually get jobs, it will happen for me soon too…etc”. Without challenging that voice, we really can go deeper and deeper into that negative spiral.

One of the things we talk about in our programs is that is a numbers game. I have lots of clients who send off one application a week or a fortnight and wonder why opportunities are not coming through. It is not personal (even though it sometimes feels personal), it is just that they are not sending off enough applications. I suggest sending off 4 or 5 a week to start getting bites. You may already be doing this, so if that is the case, ignore this comment. A friend looking for work wrote the numbers 1- 80 (deciding that after 80 applications something must come through) on a sheet of paper and every time she got a decline, she crossed the number off and thought, I am one step closer to 80, which means the job must be coming soon. This approach really helped her thought process, especially when the rejections came through, and eventually the job came through.

Another thing to consider is who do you know? About 80% of jobs are never advertised. When I ask people how they found jobs, so often it is through a friend, family member, neighbour, someone from a club they belong to etc.. So I really encourage my clients to think about who they know and talk to people about what they are wanting.  It is amazing how many opportunities arise from this.

Perhaps it may be worth finding someone to look over your resume. Or if you are not with a job agency, you could join and they could also help you find work, and potentially provide resume and interview training.

Hang in there.. good things are on their way for you, you just need to believe it 🙂

What  are others thinking about this topic?  Look forward to hearing your thoughts.

[Icarus]

I've recently found myself in this position. I say recently, but it's unfortunately becoming more and more prolonged as I've found myself in a pit that I can't get out of. The self-doubt, fatigue and depression are stuck in a feedback loop and each feed off each other.

I've had issues with depression for years on and off, but that had only really been compounded by real struggles in life recently. With a new PhD and a six figure income, things were pretty great. Then a string of what psychologists recognise as significant life stresses hit at once.

The drawn-out death of my mother to cancer. Waking to an intruder in my bedroom not long after moving to a new city. The loss of my job and lucrative career to funding cuts and the distraction of my mother's death. Moving interstate - not with my head held high, but with my tail between my legs back home with the remaining parent. HIS diagnosis with incurable cancer. Heavy, heavy financial losses. Losing pretty much all my friends and the social contact of constant employment.

When you can be depressed at the best of times, and all this comes to knock you off your feet, how do you get back up? How do you convince yourself there's even a point of getting back up? When to actually throw in the towel with the job search and take something close to minimum wage? My last job was great, but am I holding out for something that's not going to return? Does my condition make full time employment impossible, and if so, how do I work around that?

I'm just lost right now. It's hard to know where to even begin to rebuild things.

[Debstar]

Hi @Icarus,

Thanks for sharing with us.  Sounds like you have had a huge number of significant life stresses (as you put it) all at once.  And I can only imagine what a tough time it has been for you, and credit to you for your determination to inquire into how to move through this.

To be totally honest with you, what brought me into this line of work was having my own significant life stresses all at once, I got Chronic Fatigue and had to quit my job, broke up with my boyfriend and could hardly leave the house due to lack of energy. Being a somewhat social person with huge career aspirations, this was incredibly challenging. It totally brought me to my knees and I had very similar questions to yours as I started to feel better and contemplate employment again.

I realised I needed to take small baby steps and acknowledge each step I took heading in a positive direction.  I knew there were three types of jobs- survival jobs (to make money out of necessity), suitable jobs and dream jobs.  Realistically I knew I wasn’t in a position to go back to my old job (which I loved and really was a dream job) or another similarly demanding job.  I knew that I needed to find a job that required less energy than my old job, and something that wasn’t going to cause a huge amount of stress.  I knew  a survival or a suitable job was more realistic at that point, and would be a starting point on my recovery journey.

I remember the excitement when I got my first job. It was in retail/fashion, which was somewhere between a survival and a suitable job.  But my excitement to be back in the workforce was huge.  I remember highlighting all my work days in my diary whilst others highlighted their weekends. Having a set routine, planning life weekly and monthly (rather than daily) and building my confidence to work again was priceless. Bit by bit I started interacting with people again, and building up my self-esteem.

My next job was at Ostara, and I ended up working 3 days, Monday Wednesday and Friday so I could couch it on Tuesdays and Thursdays if needed (which I did at the start).  I really enjoy this job (between a suitable and dream job) but have worked my way into it.  This experience has had me working in an area I never knew much about and I love it.  

 FYI, I am now 100% well and work four days by choice and I am convinced it is because I took small baby steps and really listened to my body and what I was ready for.

So in my opinion, full time work is always possible, but maybe it is something to gradually build into, rather than take on straight away.  Really listen to yourself, and what you feel ready for and what will further assist you in your recovery.

I welcome anyone else who would like to share 🙂

[coffeegirl]

Thanks everyone for sharing! This is an interesting topic.

I was very up & down when looking for a job.

What helped me was to remember that the reason I didn't get an interview, may not have anything to do with me. Perhaps someone internal went for the job, maybe someone applied who had done the exact same role before.

It could be something small that gets someone an interview over me - which means that person is just different to me... not "better".

Hope that makes sense 🙂

[Debstar]

Hi there @coffeegirl,

That makes perfect sense. So much comes down to your personal interpretation of events.  You can either have a positive or negative interpretation to what happens, once you become aware that your interpretation is a choice. 

It's so easy to automatically assume the reason you have been unsuccessful is because there is something wrong with you or that you are not good enough etc..  But there are so many other reasons you may not have got the job, as you suggested.  Keeping this in mind can really help you to manage your emotions and the downs over this time.

And the different to me... not "better" is really useful  too.

Thanks for sharing :).

It's just on 4pm so thanks to everyone who contributed and also those who have come to read our posts. I have enjoyed connecting with you all.  See you again next week for Fab Friday 🙂