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13-02-2024 02:44 PM
13-02-2024 02:44 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
@creative_writer aww hun, you wanna talk about what happened? Here for ya 💜
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13-02-2024 03:49 PM
13-02-2024 03:49 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
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13-02-2024 05:01 PM
13-02-2024 05:01 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
@creative_writer would you say that it feels like imposter syndrome-type thing? Or more that you feel out of place socially?
It's hard to admit, for sure. In my experience though, talking openly about the things that scare us helps to disempower those thoughts.
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13-02-2024 05:16 PM
13-02-2024 05:16 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
As a means of protecting myself, I have limited my social interaction due to fear. Placement was scary, I really had to put myself out there. People were really nice on placement and I got compliments, but I found it hard to accept them. Maybe it’s a social anxiety thing
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13-02-2024 05:32 PM
13-02-2024 05:32 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
@creative_writer I've found that with social anxiety, the most powerful thing I can do to alleviate it is to name it. Right there in the moment. "Hey thanks for the compliment, I'm a bit nervous so I don't know what to say but I appreciate the kindness." Or like, "I'm feeling a bit anxious but please know I do want to chat/connect more, it might just take time for my system to relax." The reason it helps is because most people are quite familiar with social anxiety! Often I get a response of like, "Oh that's okay, no judgement here" or "I'm feeling nervous too, thanks for saying that" or "Totally understandable, I know the feeling". It also signals to them that I'm not being rude, I'm not disinterested, I'm just tryna work with a survival system that's got all its alarm bells ringing. And, anyone who shames me or makes me feel bad is then already flagged as an unsafe person - someone who I don't want to invest any time or energy into connecting with anyway.
It can be really hard at first, suuuper uncomfortable; but I really have found that the saying "All progress takes place outside of the comfort zone" to be incredibly true. It gets easier and easier every time I do it.
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13-02-2024 05:45 PM
13-02-2024 05:45 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
I have thoughts itching inside me, yet I feel too scared to talk about it. I don’t even know if talking about it is even a good idea to be honest. I can’t talk about it here
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13-02-2024 06:19 PM
13-02-2024 06:19 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
@creative_writer oh yeah for sure. Being isolated for so long has had pretty big impact on us all. And yeah, it would make sense that it does! Reaching out for support is itself a form of social connection, even if it's got its own dynamics at play. If we've been shut down, ridiculed, judged, or otherwise made to feel unsafe when being vulnerable in the past, it makes sense that it then feels like an insurmountable wall to be able to do so again. Even if our logic-brains know its safe, our survival-brains supercede logic-brain and throw up all these walls and blockades in an attempt to protect us. Silly little animal brains, too simple for our own good sometimes, i.e. 'This action brought me pain in the past, so it will always be painful to do this action'. We really are just pattern-recognition machines, so in order to change our behaviour we have to show our brains experientially that there are different patterns, and that there can be safety in a course of action that once felt unsafe.
Hmm... would it help to journal? Or connect to a chat service perhaps? I am a firm believer in the saying, "What's shareable is bearable", so I'd advocate for talking it out somewhere. Unless it could lead to rumination, though it sounds like if it's 'itching' your brain, it wants to come out.
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13-02-2024 06:31 PM
13-02-2024 06:31 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
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13-02-2024 06:55 PM
13-02-2024 06:55 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
Hi @Doog, how are you doing today?
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13-02-2024 07:17 PM
13-02-2024 07:17 PM
Re: Oscillation between two mind sets
Could that be projection @creative_writer - that you have these conflicting beliefs, one of which is that you've done something wrong to have deserved what you've been through, so your brain assumes that others would feel that way too?
It's normal to care a lot about what others think, it's in our biology - we evolved to be social animals, and being rejected once also meant death if we were ostracised from our tribal group. But we can learn to build up a sense of internal validation and acceptance, a knowledge or reassurance that even if some people reject us, we will still be okay. Nothing others do is because of us, it is a result of their own experiences and their own projections of reality. We can teach our systems that rejection does not result in death, and that we can be choosey about the people with whom we spend our time and energy. And then it becomes easier to share the vulnerable parts of ourselves, knowing that the reactions we get are not reflections of our vulnerability, but of the other person's ability (or inability) to sit with and process that information.