Lived Experience Forum

[Bluestar]

hi this is my first post here. I am mum to an 11 week old baby boy. My first baby.

I feel so overwhelmed with everything and cry every day at some stage or another.

I am home by myself all day which starts around 6:30 am and my husband gets home around 5. I find myself just counting down the hours until he gets home.

My little boy cries a lot. He is not a great feeder or sleeper during the day. He has his good days and his bad days. I always feel like I'm on edge that I don't know what is coming next in my day. And panic that I can't settle him.

I feel so alone. I try get out for a walk but he starts crying and then I have to go home again. I've gone to my mothers group but he cried there as well and everyone was just looking at me saying maybe he is hungry even though I only fed him before I went into the room.

I don't know what to do, dread him waking up and feel like I don't really enjoy being around him anymore

[Acacia]

Hi @Bluestar

Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing your story. And congratulations on being a new mum! I’m so sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the moment. Being a new parent can be a hugely stressful time, especially if you are managing on your own all day.

I can assure you that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. There are several members on this Forum who have struggled during the early months of motherhood. You might like to read over these threads:

Friendships after PND

Unsure where to turn

To self-admit or not

Another baby after PND

@MillyMolly, @Elle712, @Undertheweather, @Bron1206 I wonder if you'd like to share how things are going for you now?

Bluestar, I don’t know if you’ve looked into any of the information or support groups available through PANDA. They’re a great resource for PND. We also have moderators from PANDA on this forum. @PANDA, can you offer any information or advice to offer Bluestar?

Welcome once again! Please take a look around and happy posting

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bluestar

I think hormones can go crazy after bubs is born! But you're not alone, lots of people go through this. I cried so much after my daughter was born and I would be so cross with myself because i was like, but I love her so much, what is wrong with me!! I did go to a GP and was diagnosed iwth postnatal depression and I started on a medication that really did help. I also started going to a mothers group which helped a lot too, just being around other mums and hearing taht they were having trouble with feeding and settling made me feel more normal and like i wasnt 'failing' somehow. I also started seeing the lactation consultant at the hospital where she was born and she was just lovely. I saw her every week for a while which also gave me something to leave the house for... and she would chat to me about bubs and feeding and help so much... it was also just reassuring!! I do believe PANDA to be a great place of contact too, i havent tried them myself, but i know others who have and found them really supportive and non judgemental. 

Most of all just know that i think what you are going thorugh is pretty 'normal' and lots of mums go through it, and you will get past is and enjoy mummyhood if you keep reaching out for help and mostly reassurance really! Maybe you could ask your partner to stay home and go to an appointment with you to get some supports set up. The hospital wher eyou had your baby might be able to help too if you phone the midwife there and talk about how things are? or a CAYFS centre (Im in SA... so not sure what baby and child centres are called else where)

So glad you posted here,

keep posting and good luck, here to listen anytime!

LJ

[MillyMolly]

Hello Bluestar and welcome. I could have written your post a few years ago. I found the first weeks and months very, very tough and felt pretty much what you describe. No-one at mother's group understood what having an unsettled, constantly-crying baby was like and I felt so isolated and like I was causing him to be unsettled. Going to a mother-baby unit was the best thing I ever did. I got some rest, was taught some techniques I could use, and best of all, I met the most wonderful mums who are still close friends. Medication to control my PND and anxiety was a big and important step too. I am more than happy to chat to you privately - I'm not sure if there is a way to private message me through this site? The important thing to know is that it seems like it will be like this forever but one day you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things became much easier for me and I love being a mum now. Good on you for taking the first step. 

[snoopy]

Hi MillyMolly,

Welcome back to the forums.

Reading your story about your experience of PND, and how you worked your way through everything was really inspirational. I suspect that many people reading it, going through a similar experience, were heartened that things can get better.

It’s a really lovely offer to suggest Bluestar contact you privately. However, one guideline around the forums is that contacts are anonymous. If you would like to have a read of the guidelines, they are available here. And by contributing publicly means many others get to learn and offer advice and support too.

Hope to see more of you on the forums.

[Former-Member]

I think maybe your baby is gulping when he sucks & is getting colic?
This could be why he is crying so much, also babies know how we are feeling & it makes them respond accordingly, he may be feeling your depression too?
Can you please tell a Doctor, or your child care professional you do need some support & or help soon as this may get worse for both of you?.
I do hope I helped you.
((((((Bluestar & baby))))))) 🙂

[PANDA]

Hello @Bluestar

I am so sorry to hear that your early days of parenting are so challenging. Please know that you are not alone. Having thoughts of 'dread' and 'not enjoying being around your son' do not make you a bad or undeserving mother. It means that you need some help. Being so open about how tricky each day is and how alone and overwhelmed you feel, is brave and honest and exactly what your son needs: a mother who will seek help when she needs it!

It is not sustainable for you to be alone each day, crying and feeling on edge. It is hard enough managing to meet the 24/7 demands of a little baby, feeding and settling, feeding and settling, without also struggling with anxiety or depression. Talking through your challenges, sharing your problems and seeking a mental health assessment from your GP is a good starting point. If this seems too hard or you would like some help with accessing support, or to just talk please contact us on 1300 726 306.

@Bluestar, it is often said it takes a 'village' to raise a child. This is not just a cliche. It is so true. The demands of a little one are all consuming. New mums need to be supported, cared for and nourished in much the same way a baby does. There are supports out there... even if you are not used to asking for help. 

I am sure other mothers or fathers who have experienced similar thoughts and feelings will be able to share what helped them and what they learned about themselves. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself, take some time to talk with your husband about how you are feeling, remember to tell yourself you are doing a great job, put some music on, get out in the fresh air (or whatever brings you joy), remember that this will pass... babies grow and become more settled, BUT, most of all, be proud of yourself for breaking down barriers and being honest about your journey. It might just help someone else on this forum!

Be gentle with yourself @Bluestar and we hope to hear from you.

The PANDA team xx

[Bec1985]

Hello Hun,
As a mum of 4 and becoming a mum at 18 I have defiantly been there. First thing I want to mention is it will get easier and secondly just you reaching out here shows what a great mother you are for seeking help. May I suggest a few places PANDA they are a terrific service and pretty much saved my life they come to your home and support you in anyway you need. You also really need to talk to your husband it's so important you let him know what's going on post natal depression can come on very quickly and can be very frightening if your not comfortable speaking with him maybe ask panda to come whilst he's there so they can support you in this process. Do you have a maternal child health nurse? That's a big big support I find the nurses fantastic and supportive you can even contact your local and ask for a enhanced maternal child health nurse who will visit your home... Where do you live Hun?

[Bec1985]

Also just for the record your not the only one who had experienced this my first son was only weeks old I was at home with him whilst partner was at work. I had slowly been feeling sad depressed and detached I hated being a mum. At 11am I walked out of our family home with a photo album that's it I don't remember a thing but going in what my parter told me I left my baby and door unlocked. I checked myself into a hotel I don't even know how I had my purse in the state I was in and I sat in a corner for 3 days shredding my family photos up. The police and my partner found me and took me straight to a hospital I was sent to a room to sleep as I was like a zombie I slept for 22 hours!!! Not to mention my labour was many weeks long an exhausting I was beyond exhausted. After all this I was assigned to a great care team and my post natal depression left me as quickly as it got to me I then headed of to a mother baby unit who helped me with bonding and becoming a mother I stayed there 6 days. If it wasn't for the panda team and healthcare nurses I don't know what would have happened. My point in my post is that it is curable and it's not a disease and lastly there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with you. Having a baby is hard and having a baby when you already suffer some kind of mental illness is even harder I have 4 now but till this day I will always say my 1st child was the most traumatic period of my life all for a few months then it becomes the best most enlightening experience a time you will never ever forget nor want to forget I promise it will be ok.xxx

[Bluestar]

Hi everyone, I just want to come back and say thank you for all your kind words at that time, although I didn't comment I read every word and they brought me a sense of calm to know I wasn't alone. My little boy was diagnosed with silent reflux and he started on medication which helped a lot. It was still hard going for months but then we got to know each other and he started to smile and play. I got support from my mother in law and now he is 15 months old and running around the place happier than ever. For anyone that reads this and is going through the same thing just remember this crappy stage doesn't last forever, I lived by the motto 'this too shall pass' and still do when lift gets shitty at times. x